


Rise of the Bonnacon: Into the Badlands Alternative Events

by Quinn4Eurovision2018



Series: Into the Badlands: WTF just happened? [1]
Category: Into the Badlands (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Humor, F/F, F/M, Gay Sex, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Multi, Other, Parody, Romance, Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-03 15:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 37,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinn4Eurovision2018/pseuds/Quinn4Eurovision2018
Summary: Starts during season 2. Continues to season 3 in Chapter 10. Sunny fights his way back to Veil. Quinn finds love in an unexpected place. The Master sets a new plan in motion with devastating consequences. Widow and Chau continue to fight and flirt. A new power threatens the Badlands. With violence, sex, love, hate, lgbt themes, and adventure. Included supernatural beings and Azra and VAMPIRE QUINN





	1. Prologue/ The Fart

**Author's Note:**

> By the combined efforts of the Quinn Appreciation Society. New authors welcome.

Prologue: Pre-series (author 2)

The blood dripped from Sunny's sword. He took a deep breath and watched as his enemy's head rolled onto the green grass below. He sighed. This life was taking its toll on him. So many kills... He hated himself for it, hated what he had become. Change... He needed a Change. But What? What could a clipper do besides clip? This was his life, all he knew. He loved Zypher but, she only used him for information... He was tired of being used. Quinn was his everything. The one who gave him this life, his everything. Without him, he was nothing. But, lately Quinn had be acting strange. His interest in Sunny was moving beyond friendship. He stood over Sunny at Night, invited him to stay late, grabbed at him... It made Sunny uncomfortable. Sure he needed love in his life, but not Quinn's. Not that type of love. Sunny shuddered. Hot red blood ran down his arm, gathering on his knuckles. The sun blared. He needed change. He needed to escape whatever the cost...

(The monastery)

The Master meditated in the temple. The room was dark, but for two small candles. She was at peace. The rest of the abbots and novices were asleep. It was perfect. Complete silence. Incense filled the air. She took a deep breath, inhaling the pleasant surroundings, and relaxed entirely. She pondered on her plans. All she needed was a few more compliant abbots then everything could be set in motion. She grinned. It was going to be easy. After all those years of planning, it almost felt anti-climatic. She took in another deep breath. An odd smell drifted towards her nose. At first she ignored it, but it grew stronger. It was not from one of the candles. It make her feel sick. She panicked. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. 'The Bonnacon!' she whispered, 'how can that be? No! He will ruin everything!' She stood up, ran to fasten the shutters, and yelled at the top of her voice, 'CLOSE THE WINDOWS! CLOSE ALL THE WINDOWS!' The toxic smell enclosed the monastery. The tranquility was replaced with mass panic as the abbots and novices desperately tried to block any holes in the structure. This was not something any of them had trained for. Their coughing and suffocation could be heard for miles around.

...  
M.K. woke up. Dead bodies surrounded him. He spotted his mother under a dead man. He rushed to her side. It was too late. He screamed before being hit on the head and knock unconscious once more. The next thing he remembered was waking on a boat en route to the Badlands. His worst nightmare. 

Chapter 1 The fart (author 1)

It was so long that no one can smell it... Everything started from it. When the first inhabitants of the universe saw that creature, they feared its power. They were prosecuted and driven to a distant dark land, and with fire they light the place, launched a rock, and in its fear farted an scent that condensed to become the first primeval earth; this would be scorched by the odor and instigated the war.

Everyone fought for the supremacy of breakfast. Lords were gathered and everyone eaten, but there was a sign:

"Welcome to the Badlands"

...

Riding with his wig and the sun shining on his back in the search of some fun, our drag hero Sunny, found a cabbage full of cream cheese, and some people dead next to it, but he did not give a shit about that. He was hungry, and the cabbage looked tasty, but when he tried to eat it, he found a note with a big bite. He was so angry because someone had taken a big bite of his prize. The note included an address, and decided to go to it.

He arrived to a secluded forest region, and descended from his shiny motorcycle, and asked with all his glory, and high heels.

"Who was the bastard who bit that beautiful cabbage?" The bunch of thieves just watched and laughed at the dress he was wearing without knowing that he had style and fighting power. Sunny asked once more time, "Who was the bastard who bite that beautiful cabbage?"

Everyone decided to approach to him. When the first tug draw his blade and attacked Sunny, Sunny stopped and deflected the blade with the use of his heel technique, and everyone else was so scared that they shit their pants and tried to run away, but they tripped over their own weapons and stabbed themselves. Sunny inspected the small area and found a chest. He decided to open it, and found a boy inside, this boy shivering, tried to escape, but was stopped with a punch. When the boy woke up, Sunny asked why was he captive, and why his cabbage had to suffer from it. He, who was notMK by the way, explained "I have information about the Baron of Waffle, and how to enter his territory without being kill on sight".

Sunny smirked and replied, "Which kind of information? Last time someone saw the Baron of Waffle was 5 years ago during the last war when he killed the Baron of Hot Cake ".

NotMK nodded and added, "He is still considered a Baron because his land is the only way all the shit from the badlands is taken away, but inside there is normal land that the Barons now could take advantage of ".

Sunny made a decision, and replied "I will take you to my Baron, he will love to hear the rest of story ".

Sunny punched NotMK again, just because, and drag him into the back mount of his motorcycle and drove all the way back to the fort. It was an humongous construction, surrounded by a conduct of human feces that were taken away from the living area. The putrid sting was contrasted by the plantation of lilacs, which produce the aromatizer, the main distribution produced from Quinn's plantation. Sunny took the new boy to an audience with Quinn. He met him in his studio, and he was wearing a black leather outfit as he used, very tight, and signaled to the other people to let Sunny and NotMK to come in. Quinn hugged Sunny, while the boy, only looked confused, and the guards only nodded. It was an unspoken secret that Quinn loved male company. This was the only reason to have so many men around. Sunny just showed a small smirk and explained the story of the boy. Quinn was enjoying it and talked to the boy, " Tell me kid, Why are you telling us so easily this secret which many people have died for?"

The kid look to the side an replied, "Because the writer said so, I mean he decides what we say ".

Quinn nodded, "That it is true, so continue with your story, kid ". The kid did a gesture to ask permission to take a seat. Quinn agreed and NotMK sat on a chair an continued, "The barony of waffle is a extensive land with no humans around, and has been covered in mystery since the last war. All the cogs left, and even the cakes prisoners there were distributed around the other barons, and no one has heard about since then, only by the anonymous letters that guide and maintain the sewer system that keep the horrible odour at bay, but several months ago something changed. There was a noise, and I heard someone, and it was the Baron waffle itself. I recognized from the baron cards of the store. He was speaking to a guy, a chef. It was the personal chef of the Baron of Bacon. And this was not the only time I saw it. This happened at the same time every week" .

Sunny asked, "When is going to be the next delivery?". The boy was afraid to answer, but replied,

"Tonight at 7".

Quinn was surprised to hear this, "What was the chef doing?".

NotMK sighed, "He was delivering some waffles" .

Quinn smiled, "Indeed the favourites of the Baron of Waffle" . Quinn asked some of the guards to escort the boy out, and told them to feed him.

"Sunny, get rid of the kid, we do not need any more people knowing the mole from the other barons. And I would like you to go tonight and visit this delivery guy and give a more spicy order" . Sunny confused conferred to his baron,

"Why do want to control an empty land, if the request is for the shit to be carried out gains no more than couple of boxes of food every month?". Quinn smirked and looked kindly to Sunny, "My sweet young boy, it is well known that whoever control the shit, controls the body" . Sunny still confused and trying to smile nods, and leaves the quarters to prepare his hills, he had a package to deliver at night.


	2. Fist Like A Bonnacon (author 2)

(2 years later)

The temperature dropped. Sunny woke in sweat and terror. Images of Quinn flashed across his mind. And that dress… That horrible pink dress. He rubbed his temples trying to make the images leave. 'Having nightmares again are we?' asked Bajie as looked up from the evening meal he was preparing. Sunny sat up, fatigued and embarrassed. He prayed he had not been talking in his sleep. He gazed into the sky to avoid eye contact with Bajie. They were sat somewhere in the wilderness formerly known as the Wicklow Mountains. Sunny noticed a dark brown cloud forming in the distant among the ever grey sky.

'What did you dream about this time?' Bajie inquired as he stood up and walked towards Sunny. He gazed into Sunny's beautiful brown eyes. Sunny looked up, frowned and did not reply. Bajie bent over. His lips now close to Sunny's, caressing his face. 'I need to tell you something, Sunny'...

'What?'

'I've been dreaming myself. Dreaming of this moment. To be alone with you.'

Sunny's long sword was now exposed. Bajie sighed. His hand moving downward to Sunny's sword.

Sunny screamed and shoved Bajie backwards, 'Get off me you creepy bastard!'

'But, I thought we had a connection...'

'The hell we do! I'm with you because i was chained to you. As soon as I get back to the Badlands, i hope to never see you again!'

'Sunny! That hurts!' Bajie held his chest.

'What is that smell?!'

'What smell?' Bajie looked confused and offended.

'What the hell are you cooking?'

'It's just the usual!'

The dark brown cloud drifted closed mixing with the rain clouds. 'More bloody rain!' grumbled Bajie. The stench increased, 'WTF is that smell?' Thunder roared. Screams arose in the distance.

'That's no ordinary rain!' Sunny shouted as he leaped forward, 'Run!'

'Oh shit!'

(The barony of Waffles)

Tónacán Mac Thruflais was terrified. He thought he had control over his gift. He was wrong. The villagers fled with barely any time to shield their faces from the offending magic. Alcine, the village champion, drew his sword, covering his mouth and nose with his free hand. They had shown the wandering scrawny boy great hospitality and he repaid them like this? He charged towards the boy with his sword raised. Tónacán, a small boy barely eight years old, began to cry and crouch down, 'Stay back! Please! For the love of the gods, stay back!' Alcine hesitated perceived this to be another unsavoury threat, 'It was you who poisoned the waters! It was you who poisoned the livestock! You have ruined our villages, made them uninhabitable! You must be stopped!' The boy held his arm back in an attempt to taper the magic, 'I'm sorry! I can't help it! It happens when I'm upset! It was the bacon! The bacon your wife gave me… It… It made me ill, or maybe it was the waffles, I'm not sure… Please! Let me leave. I won't be back ever. I promise. I swear it! AHHH!'

Alcine narrowed his eyes and snarled, 'Damn right, you won't!' He was about to strike a killing blow when his wife Ellen appeared.

'Stop!' she screamed, 'He is just a boy!'

'This miserable creature has devastated our lands! Now he insults your cooking! I will not let an ungrateful brat bring shame upon your good name!'

The woman paused and gave a wounded glance towards the boy. She moved slowly towards them, 'How dare you!' she shouted at the cowering boy, 'It was not my cooking that poisoned the village! It was you.'

'Are you sure?' Tónacán defiantly smirked with a new found sense of confidence. The magic washed over him once more. He closed his eyes and wishes it away in silence. A loud groan could be heard from his bowels. Alcine grabbed him, held him down and laid the tip of his sword on the boy's neck, 'What am I to do with this little wretch so?' He quickly let go to cover his face once more to avoid vomiting, 'God! That is foul!'

'We are not in the Badlands. We are civilised peoples. We do not kill children,' the woman looked around. They were the only three people left in the village. Alcine looked at her awaiting instruction. Ellen paused and pondered, 'It is his arm that spreads the evil air. Chop it off!' Alcine sprang forth and gleefully obliged. Tónacán screamed. A lightening like beam shot upwards into the sky with a mooing sound. The dark magic spewed forth from the child's stumped arm, coating Alcine, his wife and everything in a two mile radius in its deadly acidic glory.

(The Abbey of the Bonnacon)

Forthwindus surveyed the landscape from the tower top. The lightening beam got his attention. He ran swiftly down to the master, 'Master Tarbhus! I think I know where he is!' Tarbhus nodded and smiled. This was the day they had been waiting for many generations. The Brethren of the Bonnacon busied themselves with preparations for the newly arriving child of the Bonnacon. They lived in a quiet castellated temple to the west of the Badlands. Their tall towers gave them a fantastic view of the surrounding lands. They were simple and peaceful folk. Nobody ever bothered to visit. The surrounding sulphur mines deterred the Barons from invading. This day, however, was different. Forthwindus hastily wrote a letter to the People of Guineford. The Brethren of the Bonnacon were going to need protection if they wanted to move beyond the sulphur mines. The People of Guineford offered the best protection possible. Nobody crossed the People of Guineford and lived to tell the tale (tail) :p .


	3. Red S Spreads Cape (author 1)

He arrived from other lands, from another planet its said, in a rain of fire that burned the land. But behind the curse, came the salvation. He was called the child of the stars and the main reason Guineford will always be there to save him, starting from his first killing.

Sunny and Bajie were walking down the hill in search of M.K. The whining baby got capture by a group of bandits on the way to Guineford, and it was their responsibility to rescue him, because he is still alive in the main story. It did not take very long to find the place where the bandits were hiding due to the trail of biscuits and waffles that they left.

They found a cave and prepared to go inside but something was wrong, there was complete silence, and this horrible smell all over the place. They just simply decided to go back and leave M.K. to his luck, anyway he was a crybaby. But then they remembered that they need to keep the plot going and ventured inside trying to survive the shitty smell. Inside the cave they found the bodies of the deceased. More than twenty dead bodies were laid inside. The distinctive mark of a shitty and bloody 'S' was drawn in every corpse. They were puzzled by the scene they found, but M.K. was nowhere to be found. So they decided to leave and go for the closest village.

...

(Author 3)

Jade stared into Ryder's eyes. He had become so much sexier as a Baron. With Quinn gone, they were free to be together forever. Ryder placed his hands in her hips. She shivered. She wanted him. He wanted her. They kissed and moaned. The rain started to pour down upon their naked bodies. They embraced each other fully in the busy poppyfield. It was so romantic. Jade desperately wanted to have his baby. He desperately wanted to be with her forever. The workers ignored the frolicking couple and continued with work. They were all blissfully unaware of Widow's approach. Her sting about to destroy their love once and for all.

...

(Author 2)

Entering the village, in the nearest pub, Sunny and Bajie talked with one of the locals, and asked about the "S". Two of those said that they know about it. It is a common knowledge, and started the story. They said it is the symbol of Cain, even that it is an S, but explain that to the writer. It the main representative and protector of the brethren of the Bonnacon, the son of the stars.

"Young man, they're no people to mess around, They stink like oxes and shit like horse, but the Cain is no one to mess around".Replied the old Ranger fan.

His buddy said "It is a title passed to the most fit and powerful stinker. The newest one looks like the Smallville one!"

The old Ranger fan said: "But I prefer the Supernatural Cain, he had a great moustache".

"Just shut up old chap, du now what ya talkin' bout!"

Sunny and Bajie looked on as a fight between the two geezers broke out. Once finished, and both with bruises they continued the story.

"The new Cain came from the stars in a rain of fire. People says, but it was actually shit, because it stank for ages afterwards, that was how they found him. Everyone new he was special. At such a young age he could shit more than 100 couric by himself. Now, they say he could shit for 40 days straight. But everone at the village, appreciate him. After the the previous Cain, with a great moustache, fall in battle by a murderous hamster teeth attack. He took the position immediately, there was no competition. Or at least there was no one who desired to approach to the bastard. And the village prospered since then. They have had no fear of the Barons power, and there is an unspoken truce between the village because of the odour. If you want to find your friend, you might find them". The old Rangers fan told them to go and search for Tonacan, he has deal businesses to the village in the past and they will be able to guide them to him.

Having no resolution about it, they decided to take their leave and search for Tonacan. And eat the last meal they will taste, after meeting the Cain, they will never be able to taste or smell anything again.

...

Meanwhile M.K. awoke surrounded by a fiendish odour, and three people around him. The first approached to him and spoked:

"Are you the informer?"

The reaction was to run away , but in that moment he realized that this was not going to be possible, his body could not move, and he threw up everything, he could not withstand the horrible smell around him, and started to cry again.

The three people were disgusted about this and left the room. Outside it, they talked about what to do with him. Because they knew they would not be able to keep him around much longer or he will die of sorrow. They decided to extract all the information and shit out of him before releasing him.

Their plot was in motion, it was the time for the word of the Bonaccon to take true power, and spread across the land, and that crying baby was a key part of the plan. They only needed to be sensitive about the situation. They went to the main hall where a golden statue of Jean Claude Van Damme performing a split was erected. They admired the magnificent split, and thought about the great stories told about the hero in the past. Next to it was the statue of the Bonaccon, who they serve until the end of their lives. They started walking and left the building to see all townspeople congregated. The central character walked to the front an addressed to everyone around, the man children and goats surrounding the building:

"Tonight we acquire the first key of the plan, tonight we eat cheese, and tomorrow we raise and fart again!"

The words were received by a intensified belching from everyone, and the smell of everyone farting could be heard. It was moment to increase the word and they had prepared their sphincters for generations to this day. It was the purpose of their people all along. To reach every corner and stink all the land. The barons will not see them coming, but they will smell them. Everyone around raised their butts and in an unison release, they farted. It was the first smell of the age of the Bonaccon.


	4. Two Puppies Subdue Dragons. ( author 2)

It had been two weeks since M. K. had escaped the monastery. The Master had not noticed his absence until one of the novices pointed out that he could, ' sleep sooo much better without listening to that whiny bitch with mommy issues crying all night.' Many of the other novices agreed that M.K.'s absence was a great relief. The Master, however, had to keep up the pretence that she truly gave a shit about anyone. She sent three of the abbots that irritated her the most after M. K., with a dodgy tracker so that it would take longer to find him. With them out of the way, she could relax and drink her tea in peace. Oh how she loved tea... She started to meditate on her plans once more and cackled a bit. Soon she would conquer the Badlands. Once she dealt with the Bonnacon issue, nobody would be able to stop her. Her heart suddenly sank. She realised she needed M. K. back to complete these devilish plans. 'Damn It! CYAN? GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!'

(Quinn's bunker) (author 3)

Edgar massaged Quinn's hairy back with melted ice cream. ' Don't stop. That feels so Good,' Quinn moaned. After a few moments Quinn turn and looked at Edgar's naked body, before grabbing his ass, ' Come closer boy. I want you. I want you to... hmmm... touch me here,' Quinn grabbed Edgars's sticky hand and guided it towards his droopy testicles. Edgar had waited for this day for so long. He had dreamed about it since he was a boy. Quinn was his idol in so many ways. The two lovers kissed before Edgar knelled.

'Hmmm. Almost as good as Sunny'

'Did Sunny do this?' Edgar performed his own special move.

'Daaamn son.'

'EWWWWW THAT IS GROSS!' Ghost Ryder interjected, ' You creepy fuck. He's like half your age.'

'SHUT UP!' Quinn shouted. Edgar looked up at Quinn in confusion. His mouth was now full of Quinn so he could not possibly be talking. There was nobody else in the room. 'Oh, not you hunny. That piece of shit in the corner, just tryina ruin our special moment,' Quinn whispered, stroking Edgar's hair, while death staring Ryder. Edgar considered turning around, but continued on with his task.

'No wonder Sunny left you...' Ghost Ryder jeered.

'GET OUT YOU PERVERT!' Quinn shouted. Edgar was once again confused.

'You were a shit father. And a shit baron,' Ghost Ryder teased.

'I'm so glad I killed you, you ungrateful asshole!'

'I'm so glad you're not in my ass. What did mom think of all this?'

'Don't bring your mother into this!'

'I bet she's off with Sunny right now. Enjoying each other... thoroughly.'

'GET OUT. GET OUT!'

Edgar stopped. Looked up bewildered at Quinn. The icecream dripped from his mouth. Veil heard the commotion and wondered into the room to see what was going on. She instantly regretted it. What she had seen, could not be unseen.

(Somewhere outside the Badlands) (author 2)

Tonacan ran for his life. The boy had no idea what was happening. Everything he touched turned to shit, literally. Out of breath, out of tears, he stopped to rest by a tree in the forest. Everyone he met wanted him dead, if they lived long enough... he was exhausted, hungry, just fed up. He sobbed. Rain began to hop of the tree tops once more. The boy curled up and tried to sleep.

Suddenly the rain started to spiral into an odd shape. The air changed. It felt warmer. The boy woke up. A hooded figure stood over him. 'Come child,' the commanding voice beckoned and stretched out a hand, ' we both have much to learn.' It was still raining, yet not around Tonacan of the hooded guy. A warrior type female appeared into focus. The image of a dog was engraved on her breastplate.

'Brother Fergus, we must hurry. We are close to the Abbots here,' the woman said.

'But we have just arrived!' The hood replied.

'The Master is not a pleasant... she has not forgiven us for... for... Just hurry up!'

The hooded man picked up Tonacan and together they rode off into the distance.

(The monastery)

Cyan busied himself with gardening. Tomorrow he was to look for M. K. He really didn't want to. The rain had stopped so he decided to make the most of it. Two Puppies had recently wondered in. He adopted them and cherished them as if they were his own. He named one Dragon, and the other Fly as these pups specialised in killing dragonflies. Cyan grin as Fly return this time with a mouse. Stuffed mouse was mouth watering .As it was getting dark, he decided to return to the monastery for some meditation. The Master would soon notice his abscence from prayer.

Cyan sat on the wooden floor and lit some candles in the darkness. The puppies were tucked safely away in a crate for the night. Taking a deep breath, Cyan closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Calmness took over. The darkness subdued. Sweet tranquillity. He envisioned snow capped mountains, endless green valleys. Perfect roses, a calm sea. A hint of lavender reached his nose. He listened closely to the sound of his own breath. There was nowhere in the world he would rather be. Total relaxation.

'You creepy fuck!' an unfamiliar voice shouted. Cyan's eyes snapped open. He quickly turned to where the voice came from, ready to attack. A pale, disheveled man child stood before him. Cyan blinked in confusion and the ghostly form vanished.


	5. Burping creeps clown (author 1)

After the apocalypse and the formation of the badlands, feral creatures crossed the land. But none of these were an issue for Sunny. On his search for MK, he and Bajie took a small detour to a near lake they found. A couple of hours of rest would give them enough recovery for the journey.

It was well known that machines were very primitive around the area, but as Sunny opened the eyes on the morning he was able to observe the only helicopter to be found in the vicinity covering the majority of eyesight.

"fack sake Bajie! Could you stop doing that, I have not eaten yet and I want to throw up already. "

"Come on champ, I just wanted to give you a happy memory in the morning."

"You can give me one by putting back some clothes" said sunny while throwing Bajie's trousers to his companions belly.

At the same time in a darker region , not far from them, a group of assailants hiding from the light started to discuss their next plan.

"We have kept surveillance on our main objectives, and we obtained some nice information."

"yeah, dude. You should have seen that Quinn's guy, he was massive. I am amazed the other guy still can walk."

While the minions discussed the greatness of Quinn, the leader of the group was waiting for the arrival of the second squad who was sent to the monasteries.

Cyan was awaken earlier by the mysterious shadow and was thinking if it was the stripper he ordered last month. He could not take this out of his mind. He walked close to the dorms where all the trainees had already started their morning routines.

A small group was sent to gather some fruits in the closest forest. At the time they were taking a rest when a group of shadows appeared. The wannabe monks reacted immediately assuming their fighting postures. What they saw took out their breath. Magnificent and delicate figures with well detailed dresses were in front of them. The group of trainees was all composed of males, and in their teens completely isolated in a monastery, and the sight of this delicate group of creatures was a feast for their eyes.

The sweet and delicate group looking at them had big eyes with a beautiful amber colour and where looking softly to the trainees. The future monks were marvelled by their discovery. They were at an age full of urges, and having in front of them an God's given banquet was more than they could ever be able to control. They look around each other and immediately nod. The same idea crossed across their minds and were not going to leave this opportunity fade away.

They gave a glance again to the delicate creatures in front of them. Looking hopeless and unprotected. They were ready to jump into action. They identified those were not mere humans, they were dhampirs. Stories have come to them about it. Travelers have told them how they are really expensive in the black market because of their massive ability with men.

Of course, the unexperienced monks decided to go ahead. In that moment, they approached slowly trying to keep calm the dhampirs, which just keep looking at them with their big amber eyes, defenceless and ignorant.

The monks approached to the ignorant victims, which did not move at all they were still and calm. The monks took this as a sign of acceptation and considering their preferences, even that the dhampirs looking very similar, and chose one of their liking. They caress their soft cheeks and look at them like wolves ready to consume their long earned preys.

Slowly they went from the cheeks to the body and decided to touch lower and more private areas that were only covered by a little and delicate skirt. One of these lowlife disciples had an insatiable hunger that could not be extinguished and decided to have an early meal. He rushed his devilish hand into the nether regions of the defenceless dhampir, and it was at this moment when the youngster and inexperienced monk noticed something that was not supposed to be there. He juggled between his fingers something that for the case of the beautiful should be missing, but in this case, it was there. The distorted expression of the monk was a contrast with the ashamed and rubbered face of the Damphir which in turn seemed to enjoy it. But at the same time, everyone else was achieving the same conclusion, and a unison cry was heard over the woods: "YOU ARE MEN!".

It was not time left before the youngsters left a fast they could, as if their lives depend on it. Meanwhile, the lovely creatures where dazzled and puzzle for the mysterious reaction of this young men.

Not far from there, Quinn was dressing himself next to a bed, where a mysterious figure was covered by the sheets, and lying peacefully.

"We can continue later with our little game, but for now, it is time to have some preparations ready to receive Sunny."


	6. Hand of the Five Poisons (Author 2)

'Sweetheart! No, come back to bed. I am cold!' the figure protested

'You vampires are always cold!' Quinn snapped back.

'Hehe.'

'This is not funny, Seagul! You have no idea who Sunny is.'

'Sweetie,' the old obese man replied, 'I can handle anything.'

'This is different… He… He betrayed me. I… I must marry his girlfriend.'

'WHAT?'

'Yes, that will piss him right off… She can't resist me. I know she can't.'

'Sweetie, take your medicine.'

'NO, no medicine,' Quinn slapped the bottle out of Seagul's hand.

'Sweetie pie, we need to talk about this… You can't just run off any get married, I mean, what about me? Edgar? Your wife?'

'THAT BITCH! And don't get me started on my wife!' Quinn pulled on his jacket, 'I'll be back later. Stay in the shadows.'

Quinn walked swiftly out of the cabin and back towards his bunker a few miles away. It was starting to rain again. Nice fresh rain… He loved the sound of rain hitting the trees in the forest. He was confident his men would not dare question where he had been. He pondered deeply. It was all planned. Sunny was coming to kill them all. Marrying Veil would guarantee a bloodbath. Quinn was sure he would die. Seagul was his backup plan, his failsafe. Nothing could go wrong. Could it?

The guard opened the gates to a cold, wet shivering Quinn. Quinn instantly sensed something was wrong.

'What had happened in my absence?' he asked the guard who wrapped him in a warm blanket.

'Em… sir. Edgar is dead.'

'What? How?'

'Veil, she killed him. Self defenced him to death, sir.'

'Veil? Where is she!?' Quinn yelled.

'She ran away sir.'

'Oh for f…'

'Lolz!' a figure mocked for behind. Quinn turned slowly, hands on his head. Could his day get any worse?

'Dad, you really are an idiot,' Ghost Ryder grinned stupidly.

'Fuck sake! Not you again, not NOW!'

'I know where she issss, but I'll neeevveerr teeellll!'

Quinn lunged at the ghost, whacking his own face against the wall. His nose bled. The guard was completely confused, 'Sir?'

…

Cyan heard a rumbling outside the monastery, or something more like a stampede. He stood up from his meditation. The puppies began to growl from their basket. Cyan shushed them, looked out the window, and saw several junior monks running in terror in the darkness. He panicked a little, then ran for the Master. She was not in her chamber. Something truly terrible must be approaching. The Master never left her chamber at night. With his heart racing, he ran down the wooden stairs and out to the main entrance. There he found the boys gathered round and panting.

'What happened? What is coming?' Cyan demanded to know. The boys were a bit confused at first. They had never heard Cyan speak before.

'It, they, were…were men!' one of the boys squeaked.

'There are men approaching? How many? Are they armed?' Cyan asked worryingly.

'No, they are… are in the forest still,' another boy shuddered.

'Who are they?'

'Pretty girls. I thought, we all thought we could… em… , but…'

'Girls?'

'No, He looked like a pretty girl, but…'

'You found M.K.?' the Master casually interrupted. Cyan turned in confusion towards her.

'No, Master. Men dressed as women. They were pretty, but…' the boy was terrified. He knew the Master would punish them all for their evil thoughts. He lowered his gaze, trying not to make eye contact. The Master, however, was laughing hysterically. Cyan was completely perplexed.

'Master,' Cyan asked, 'what is going on?'

'These boys, Cyan, tried to become men,' she replied.

'I don't understand…'

'It is not important, Cyan. You will never understand it.'

'Hey!' one of the junior monks piped up, 'where is James?'

'Was he with you?' the Master realised she had to pretend to care.

'Ya, he was beside all evening… He said he liked the one with c-cups… and.'

'You left him behind?' Cyan roared, 'We must find him at once!'

'No!' the Master grabbed his arm, 'He has tasted the Hand of the Five Poisons by now. He is not coming back to us.'

'Those bastards have killed him?!'

'No, Cyan, sweet innocent boy, it means something very different than you think. It is not the killing move I though you.'

'What is it then?'

'Nevermind. We must castrate these junior monks now,' she whispered, 'Then there will be no more trouble. Fetch Ava.'

….

Fergus dropped a sobbing Tonacan on the abbey floor. The Abbot came forth from the shadows to greet them.

'Dear boy,' the ancient abbot said, 'Do not cry. You are home now.'

'I kill people! With poop!' Tonacon screamed.

'Ha! Show me,' the abbot grinned and winked at Fergus.

'No, no, you don't understand!'

'Fergus, kicked him please.' Fergus obey. Tonacan cried out and spewed a might force from his bloody stump, covering the abbot in the bizarre acidic substance. Tonacon turned away. He could not bare to look upon another charred corpse. Fergus was a little unsettled. The smell was pretty awful, but he had smelt worse as part of his training. The Abbot was silent. The boy was certain the old man was dead.

'Abbot?' Fergus asked cautiously. Are you okay?' He took a step closer. The stone floor had melted a bit and stuck to his shoe. The weird substance then vanished through the drainage canal. 'Brother Abbot?' Fergus bent slightly to look for signs of life.

The Abbot began to chuckle, 'That was amazing! A true child of the bonnacon! Come Fergus, bring the boy to the infirmary.'

'Shall I fetch some towels and clean clothes for you?' The liquid continued to drip from the abbot onto the floor. His clothes had been melted off.

'No, no, Fergus. I will wear this as a badge of honour.'


	7. Dung beetle pushes shitball (author 1)

It has been already six months since Sunny and Bajie started their journey to rescue M.K. while they tried to avoid encountering with Quinn's clippers and the abbots. The never thought that it would take so long. The old man at the tavern told them that it would only be a couple of days. But he forgot to mention that those days would need to be spend by traveling by a steam boat. They ended diverging through the mountains which cost them so much valuable time.

Sunny more than once had the thought of abandoning the whiny bastard, and just go back to his true love.

"Thinking again in the big old Quinn's, ehh?", said Bajie while winking at Sunny. "You always have some sparkles on your eyes when you remember him"

"What are you talking about?", responded Sunny with a startled face, "you know that my true and only love is Veil".

"Yeah sure, mate, and I am 1 m long and 5 cm thick."

Their lewd conversation stopped suddenly when their nostrils detected something so putrid and horrible that they could not do anything more than return their breakfast of three days ago.

They saw M.K. walking naked towards them. It was not only a disconcerting view, but his smell was so horrible, that they screamed to him to stop and not move.

"Hey kiddo, why do you not take it easy and stay there looking pretty, eh?", said a distasted Bajie that only wanted to keep that horrible thing away.

"Sunny, Bajie! I am so glad to see both of you!", M. K. replied while approaching to both of them.

The stench was so horrible that they step backwards in synchrony with M.K. steps.

"Why do you not stay there and tell us what has happened. We were looking for you and were told you were kidnapped by a local tribe", Sunny could barely breath after speaking.

"Oh! I know! It is this stench. I lost my sense of smell a couple of months ago, I totally forgot about it."

"Don't worry about it, boy. Just tell us the story", Bajie said.

M.K. narrated the loss of Tonacan by the sons of the Bonnacon, and their rampages around surrounding villages, and how they were annoyed by his whining that they just simply let him go.

…

Several Abbots fell to the floor completely dead, while Fergus watched on the side. An only one person was standing in the middle of the arena.

"That is enough! Tonacan my boy, come with me.", Said Fergus while opening his arms.

Tonacan when running and softly kissed him and give him a nice hug.

"Did you see it? I finally was able to stench to perfect death. I feel I could take anyone."

"Don't be so anxious, darling. Your moment will come, but for now we need to rest", said Fergus while embracing the young son of the Bonnacon.

"Do you think that the master will finally let me take a mission with the other abbots?"

"I would not doubt about it."

While they were walking towards the common room, they met Cyan who was coming back from training accompanied by 4 sad looking monks.

"Are you still with those losers, Cyan? Just forget about them they have lost any vigour they would ever could have".

"Do not worry, they are still useful for recognition missions, but they are really pathetic now", replied Cyan, "I heard the master is looking for you and your special apprentice, you should get to her swiftly".

Fergus only chuckled and took Tonacan by the hand to see the master.

They found her in the meditation room, waiting for them.

"Cyan said you were looking for us master."

"Yes, Fergus, I have a special mission for you and your trainee."

Tonacan got really excited by hearing these words. It would be the first mission for him and his lover.

"We have been founding several seagull shit and marks around the surroundings of the monastery, and there have been sightings of the man in red in the communities nearby. I would like you to take your protegee and solve this problem. "

"Of course, master, it will be done".

…

In a secured meeting room in his bunker, Quinn was standing next to a perfectly anatomical miniature replica of Sunny. He was caressing it with a fixed look.

"It does not matter how much you touch it there, it is already a hard-wooden statue, it will not go tougher", said the fat figure dressed in red.

"You should learn to nock, Ste...", said Quinn before being interrupted by the mysterious figure.

"You do not have time for this. I have done what you asked and found the monastery and set them in alert; they will start chasing a ghost".

"Excellent, the plan finally can begin and get rid of two birds with one stoner. Gather the special group, it is time to recover what is rightfully ours.", replied Quinn.

The man in red dissapeard.

"They will never notice what it shitted over them", said Quinn smiling while keep looking down at the figurine of Sunny.


	8. Force of Seagul's Claw (author 2)

Sunny stood before Chau. Both were dressed in white. Chau ordered the other clippers to leave. They reluctantly obeyed as they desperately wanted to hear the latest gossip from Sunny about events outside the Badlands. Once the door slammed shut, Sunny suddenly got a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Chau grinned at him. It was the same feeling he got every time Quinn called him to his bed chamber at night. He shuddered. Chau stepped closer, Sunny stepped back.

'Oh come now Sunny, I don't bite,' Chau smirked.

'I em...' Sunny shied away.

'Shhhh,' Chau grabbed Sunny's arm and startled him.

'Relax. It will be all over soon,' she reassured him.

'Okay... okay...' He took a deep breath , sighed and started to undo his trousers.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' Chau was horrified and stepped back.

'I thought you... wanted... Emm.'

'What? That is gross. No. Why the hell? No. Just no!'

'Alright,' Sunny was embarrassed.

'Did Quinn make you? No! Don't answer that.'

'Sorry.'

'Nevermind. Look. I just want you to kill the Widow. But to be honest, I don't really care about her or the magical black eyed powers she claims to have. Cuckoooo! I mean if you can kill her great, but I'd prefer her own clippers would kill her sanctimonious ass. Sorry, I am rambling. No. I have a much greater mission for you.'

'Okay...' Sunny was a bit confused.

'Find my brother. He went missing years ago. I know the Master took him because she thought he had magical powers too, but surprise! He didn't. She was just incredibly stoned at the time. All those Abbots are fucking stoners. Anyway. Take this drawing of him. I drew it myself. Find him!'

Sunny took the page. It was a crude stick figure drawn in pink crayon. 'Where will I find him?' Sunny frowned.

'Dumbass clipper! If I knew where he was, dafuc I ask you to find him?'

They heard laughter followed by the crashing of an antique pot to the floor a few feet from them. They both looked at the shattered pieces. There was nobody else in the room.

...

Quinn creepily glared at Veil, 'Hunny, you're gonna be my blushing bride soon. Henry will be my son forever.'

'Ewwww!' Veil protested.

'Quinn, surely you don't mean That!' Lydia replied and accidentally spilled her wine everywhere.

'I picture a fine blood red wedding. Red everywhere. Red dress, red underwear, red bed sheets...' Quinn fantasized. Veil gagged a little.

'You're insane!'

Veil eyed up a knife. Lydia eyed it up too. Quinn however grabbed it before either of them could take it.

'Oh how I love homicidal woman!' Quinn smiled.

'This won't bring back Ryder!' Lydia snapped.

'I ain't wanted his bitch ass back. I want Henry. I need Veil to have Henry. Once I have Henry, I get Sunny. I can't loose this one. Sunny will be mine again!' Quinn snarled.

'What about your loverboy Seagul?' Lydia jeered.

'Don't you defile his precious name with your foul mouth, woman!' Quinn roared. By now Veil was sobbing heavily. Quinn turned to her, ' Tell me sweetheart, do you have anything belonging to Sunny with You?' He took the voodoo doll from his pocket.

...

Widow grabbed M.K.'s and cut it. His eyes did not turn black. She sighed. What a waste of time. She glared at Sunny,' This is your fault. You didn't protect him from the abbots.'

'I never heard of the abbots until the night they kicked my ass!' Sunny replied.

'You are a pathetic weakling!'

'Take that back!' Sunny drew his sword.

'GUYS GUYS! STOP! Quinn is the enemy here. We all hate him. Besides, Sunny killed Cyan. Bajie killed a few more!' M.K. interjected and calmed them down.

'Cyan is dead? What? How? Did you say BAJIE? THAT BASTARD!' Widow cried.

'Ya, but not before Cyan hand of the five poisoned Sunny.'

'What? Why the fuck would you tell me that?' Widow was horrified.

'No. No. Not THAT hand of the five poisons, the one that kills people. Sunny was dead for a whole week!' M.K. explained.

'I was dead?' Sunny shriek.

'Ya, but you're alive now so whatever.'

In the midst of all the thrilling conversation, Widow slipped out to find Bajie. A cog had just arrived that matched his description.

...

Cyan floated over the Badlands. He somehow ended up following Sunny. He didn't know why and was powerless to control it. He was mostly powerless with no effect on the world around him, yet sometimes he broke objects like pots and knocked over chairs. It was a bit lonely though. He would have preferred if he could have haunted the Master...

'Hey man! What are you doing here?'

Cyan quickly turned around, 'You! I saw you before! In my chamber!'

'Lolz,' Ghost Ryder replied.

'You are a ghost?'

'Yes... well done genius.'

'Am I a ghost?'

'Also yes!' Ghost Ryder grew increasingly annoyed.

'Why did you haunt me?'

'I felt like it.'

'Okay... but how do you control it?'

'Dunno. You can't?'

'No. I am stuck to this Sunny fellow...'

'Don't worry. At least he is sort of interesting. He's gonna kill my dad soon. That'll be fun... my dad just married his girlfriend. Lolz.'

'the Badlands is a strange place.'

'Ya, but it has it's charm. And like... wait... where are you going?'

'I'm not going anywhere!'

'You're disappearing!'

...

Seagul poured over the cauldron. He dropped a collection of objects into the boiling mess below. He cackled madly. It made the Master uncomfortable. Cyan's decayed corpse lay on the table. The Master had taped Cyan's face back together. Seagul lifted up the cauldron. It rested comfortably on his enormous tummy. He approached the table and poured the contents of the cauldron over Cyan's body.

'It'll just take a few moments. Then he'll be right as ray,' Seagul assured the Master.

'Thanks... I hope!' the Master half regretted what she had done. It wasn't long before the corpse started breathing.


	9. Red Sure, Silver Bob (author 1)

Sunny was preparing to infiltrate Quinn's lair, and he needed to be as fabulous as possible for their meeting. He decided to layout the terrain surrounding in case of any ambush that could have been prepared. Suddenly, he found a bridge that looked very similar, but in his mind, he knew this was not possible.

'I am sure this bridge was not here before'

Sunny crossed the new-found bridge without knowing what to expect.

…

Everyone was gathered around the podium of the fortress. Veil and Henry were at the front of the crowd worried for what was to happen. This fear did not even finish to settle when Quinn arrived, wearing some red clothes, or something that could not even be called clothes. They were red stripes of cloth that crossed from his nether regions along his body until his buttocks on the back. It was a cringe sight that could never be erased from their minds. Veil was glad Henry was too young to see that lewd event. Quinn addressed to everyone in the room.

'We are here reunited because you believe!. You believe we can build the Badlands anew. To build a new future, a future of power. Because we are their emissaries'

In the back of the crowd a couple of foot soldiers were talking.

'Nice speech, but I preferred the one of Atlanta 91'

'Dude you were not in Atlanta 91'

'How do you know? Were you there?'

'Well no, but I mean'

'Then shut up and listen to the speech'

'It would be kind of difficult to watch with him.. Oh wait...'

In the middle of the speech, everyone could see Quinn's excitement in every word.

'Ewww, I can see it.'

'Dude, I think everyone can'

Veil was just waiting for anyone to just kill her right there on the spot, screw life after watching this. But the speech continued, with some people puking meanwhile.

…

Warm water pouring out of the overflowed bathtub. And a well carved naked figure coming out of it. At the same time Ghost Ryder manifested in the room.

'You would enjoy what it is happening with father... wait mom, Cover yourself! I can see your boobs!'

Ghost Ryder was trying to cover his eyes with his transparent limbs while staring in front of his mother's naked body.

'Come on some, you should not be afraid, it is a natural thing. Should we have that talk now. I mean it is useless now that you are dead, but still maybe some nice ghost lady on your life?'

Lydia stayed naked in front of his dead son keeping the comments about the natural it is, and facts of breastfeeding when he was still alive. She walked around the room in search of her clothes.

'Mom! Really, your boobs, can see them moving, and oh god! I can see your naked ass. Mom, it is there, behind the chair, just grab the towel, please.'

'Son, don't be shy, I remember when you were little, always a lovely boy.'

Ghost Ryder just decided to go back to the ether to stop the embarrassing scene.

…

Sunny arrived to the other side of the bridge to find there a small cottage, with a crystal window which was destroyed by time. This allowed him to enter. There he found a figure standing covered by the shadows. Next to a sword that he recognized.

'It is impossible Silver Moon I killed you!'

The figure came out of the shadow to surprise of Sunny.

'Sorry, you must be confusing me with another person, my name is Bob.'

'Oh Apologies, I thought you were someone else, I mean that sword.'

'Oh, it is just a trinket that it was left there a long time ago.'

Bob just walked a passed through the sword as he was not corporeal.

'Wait! What is happening here! I thought the only ghost around was Ghost Ryder.'

'Oh, yes. I know that guy. He really is a wimp. I cannot stand him. I go back to my school every time he is in the vicinity.'

Bob went close to Sunny.

'Could I ask you a favour, would you mind to take my skull with you, I would be glad to leave this place and enjoy some of fresh air.'

'What would I gain from it?'

'I have been here for a long time. I could be of use. I have heard several stories and know the surroundings from travellers. And I can always kick Ghost Ryder's ass if he decides to appear.'

'It does sound reasonable.'

Sunny took bob skull with him inside his pouch and continued his scouting.

…

Seagul was doing a check-up of the newly revived Cyan with the Master next to them. When cyan felt a change in the force.

'Master, something has been moved. I feel something has changed from my contact with the otherworld place'

'It might just be the poison we had to pour in you. You might have farts for a while so you do not need to worry.'

Seagul and the Master's plan was getting ready. And a big fight was preparing in the Badlands.


	10. Stench of the Iron Farts (author 2)

Sunny took a deep breath. This was it. He was finally going to get his family back from that psycho Quinn, or die trying. Quinn... 'Damn you Quinn! Damn you... gaaah!' He clenched his fist, brushed the snow flakes from his jacket, and entered Quinn's lair of doom. Lydia had warned him it was all going to explode soon. He needed to find Veil and Henry fast.

Quinn and his men emerged from the shadows holding Henry. Sunny froze. This was the man who gave him everything. His mind was conflicted. Quinn had aged terribly , yet Sunny still felt an odd attraction.

'Oh hunny baby, you home?' Quinn grinned.

'Where's Veil?' Sunny cleared his mind of creepy Quinn as Henry cried out, 'give me my son!'

'Hush now Sunny boy, I have biiig plans for us. We're gonna be together foreva.'

'You creepy fuck! Give me back my family!' Sunny charged at Quinn and his men. They fired arrows at him . Some he deflected. Some hit him and lodged in his skin. Meanwhile Quinn removed an object from his pocket and squeezed it. Sunny froze. Pain washed over his body. He could not move. Quinn grinned as he held the wooden doll, made in the likeness of Sunny , up for all to see.

'You see this Sunny boy? I own you. I always owned you. I will always own your tight little ass...' Quinn trailed off lost in his own perverted thoughts. Henry cried louder. Sunny fought to break the spell, but couldn't. He wanted Henry. He wanted Veil.

'Sweetheart? What's all the commotion?' a large belly emerged from the shadows followed by the rest of the body.

'Seagul! I told you to stay away til later!' Quinn roared.

'oh, is this Sunny? You didn't tell me he was so cute!' Seagul pranced over to Sunny and grabbed his butt. Sunny growled, unable to move.

'GET the Hell outta here Seagul! You gonna get us all killed!' Quinn ordered. Quinn's men were slightly confused. They thought the whole point was to die. Seagul skipped off as instructed. Quinn signalled to his men. The next thing Sunny knew was the roof had collapsed on him and Quinn had vanished.

...

Chau was busy deciding how to redecorate the drawing room. Widow's clippers had made a right mess of the place. 'I hate that bitch!' Chau growled.

'Baron, come quick! There is someone here to see you. It's urgent!' a clipper cried out.

Chau frowned and placed the interior design magazine back on the coffee table, 'It better not be those religious nutters again!'

'Well, I think You need to talk to this one... baroness.. your majesty...'

'You know better than to interrupt me, right?' she hissed as she left the room. The clipper bowed and apologised.

Chau walked the long corridor to the meeting room. Two clippers opened the majestic white doors for her. She confidently walked through. At the other end of the room was an unexpected guest. Chau's blood boiled at the sight of the figure, 'BITCH! WTF YOU DOING HERE! GET OUT. MOTHERFUCKER! I WILL MURDER YOU!'

'Hello sweet cousin. I have missed your eloquent ways,' the figure replied.

'Dafuq your ass want?'

'I came in search of your brother. I need him now more than ever.'

'Last I heard he was with your junkie ass!'

'No. He never arrived. He fled before we could ev...'

'SHUT UP. Just get out! Your dirty feet are ruining the carpet!'

'Dear cousin, I believe we can help one another. I will help you conquer the Badlands. You will help me find your brother. Together we can find the chosen one, find Azra. Live in peace and harmony. No more wars. No more death!' the figure glided towards Chau as it pleaded, 'let us rid the world of evil!'

'Hahahaha,' Chau burst out laughing, 'chosen one? HAHAHA You Dumbass hippy! Azra doesn't exist. Quit preaching. Had some weird Pilgrim guy at it this morning. Killed his most precious clipper. Asked why Azra didn't save his clipper's ass and he fled!'

'Sweet ignorant cousin, you have much to learn,' the Master grinned.

'Bitch! Don't touch the fur!'

...

'Give me Henry. You can have Veil, but you can't have both!' Quinn held the knife to Veil's throat.

'Well fuck me, I'm sick of this shit!' Veil sighed and rammed the dagger through her shoulder and through Quinn's neck. Quinn dropped dead instantly.

'No!' Sunny cried as Veil fell too.

'Take care of our son!' Veil whispered.

'What? The dagger went through your shoulder. You'll be fine! Honestly. It's not that major of an injury.'

'Really?'

'Really! Just a few stitches and you'll be fine!'

'Great!'

'YA GREAT!' Sunny smiled. He finally had a family. He turned to tend to Henry. Meanwhile Veil examined her shoulder.

'Sunny?'

'Ya?'

'what's it like outside the Badlands?'

'Oh waaaay waaaay worse! Hell, Quinn wouldn't last long there.'

'Ya...' Veil sighed, ' Fuck this shit for good.'

'huh? NOOOOO!' Sunny turned just in time to see Veil plunge the danger through her heart. She shrieked and then smiled, 'I love you Sunny. Take care of our boy.'

'Veil! Wtf? NOOO!' the building began to rumble. An odd smell of iron and something else began be emerge. Sunny took the hint and ran.

...

'Where's Sunny gone? Where's Sunny gone? Where's Sunny gone? M.K. continued to annoy the Widow.

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' She snapped at him, ' he's dead. Get over it!'

'Okay... where's Tilda gone? Where's Tilda gone?'

'I will snap your puny neck!' Widow warned and placed her icy hands around his neck.

'No you won't. You need me,' M.K. teased.

'Not as much as you need me!' Widow snarled.

'Where's Waldo?'

...

Seagul sifted through the rubble. 'SWEETHEART?! SWEETHEART ARE YOU THERE? QUINN HONEY?' Seagul stumbled over some rocks. The smell was horrendous. Eventually he found a hairy arm sticking out from behind lead pipes. He rushed over, 'baby! Oh baby I found you. Hope I'm not too late.' He pulled Quinn's corpse from the rubble. He had planned on making it a far more romantic event, but alas the moment passed. Seagul poured the same liquid he had pour on Cyan over Quinn's now naked body. As Quinn began to breath, Seagul plunged his fangs into Quinn's neck.


	11. Monkey Shits Through Priests (author 1)

The fall of Quinn only brought war to the Badlands. Bajie activated the signal to Azra and new people will arrive to the land. The aftermath in the fortress, lead the Widow to the crazy idea of building a wall, it is a fucking wall!

Sunny and Bajie were walking down a hill while trying to keep a low profile. They have been avoiding Chau's clippers for months. This has not been a easy task considering they now had a baby with them who shits more than he eats.

They were close to a prairie and you could smell the fresh cut grass wafts through an open window in a close cottage, the curtains twitch in a slight, warm breeze. The TV, difficult to see in the bright room, is on. Billy Mays voice booms into the sunny room - Summer has arrived.

Sunny and Bajie approaches with Henry, and knocked the door. Billy May opened the door with a big smile showing his well dimmed beard. Sunny jump from the exaltation,

'Damn you Quinn, I knew you were not dead'

'Calm down, Sunny boy, this is not Quinn. He is Billy May, you saw his Oxyclean commercials the other day.

Billy May interjected on the conversation

'But wait, there is more!'

'Tell me Billy, what else do you have?'

'If you come inside now! We can get a fancy dinner!'

Sunny with Henry in arms went inside to with Billy May cottage. Bajie followed.

...

M. K. was walking alone through the empty grass lands. He got away from the Widow for a while. But in reality he was so whiny that no one wanted to be around him anymore. During his wondering he found a weirdly dressed shepherd closing at him.

'shaaa bosh! Hash shouu shee mi shaps!'

'What are you saying old man?'

'ayes bosh. I lhost mi shaps, and cannt fhisnd shem'

'you are just crazy fucking old guy'

'yer a right terrible boy, so ya are'

He shepherd immediately hit M. K. with his cane, which knocked him out because he is that a weak person. The shepherd left leaven the unconscious M. K. on the ground.

...

The master went out of the room completely nauseated. Since Quinn's death Seagul brought him back from the dead, and they have been spooking the sheets all this time. But the master was already tired. All the plans has been stopped because he had not wanted to stop their honeymoon to prepare for the arrival of the pilgrims.

Ghost Ryder approached to the master.

'are you still enjoying the spectacle there? '

'shut up! I am really wanting to take my eyes out already, but I have not the time'

'you will have, I saw that the Widow built a massive wall'

'really? A massive wall? I am sure she is over compensating'

At that moment seaguls screaming could be heard.

...

The pilgrims group were on a caravan approaching to the entrance of the badlands. When they stopped and looked to their new land.

'Here is the beginning, and I present you your new kingdom.'

At the same a group of tourists were passing in front of them.

'OK people, here we have the entrance of the badlands, so here there are weird guys going around and several battles, please take all the pictures you want. '

The tourist continued their journey. Leaving the pilgrims prepare and enter finally to the Badlands.


	12. Leopard Shits in Snow (author 2)

'I AM HELLFIRAH! I AM REBOOORRNN! HEAR MA VOICE. HEAR MA HOLY NAMMEE-AH!' Quinn roared to his new congregation. The roared back in unison and delight. Quinn was back. He had centre stage once more.

'BROTHERS! And sisters... NOW IS OUR TIME. NOW IS OUR TIME TO CLAIM WHAT IS OURS!'

'YEEEEEASSHH!' the crowd cheered.

'I AM THE NEW MESSIAH! YOUR NEW GOD!'

'Yes... huh?'

'TOGETHER WE SHALL WALK FROM THE DARKNESS INTO LIGHT!'

'Ya a... eh? Ghjjdhj... hhvv... why?' the crowd of vampires mumbled in confusion.

Chad and Brad, two dhampires, stood at the back of the ruined church.

'Who dafuq is that idiot?' Chad whispered.

'Seagul's latest lover,' Brad relied sarcastically.

'Lolz!'

'He was turned recently So, he's still adjusting.'

'Dafuq is up with him and light?'

'dude… you're an idiot!'

'what? Vamps don't like too much sun!'

'have you been like paying zero attention to what's been happening?'

'No… well. I mean. Seagul and the Master hanging out is weird. I don't get it. They hate each other!'

'Bro… seriously. Think it through… who else has the Master become pals with lately?'

' Eh?'

'THE FUCKING BON. .. sorry. The Bonaccon guys.'

'So?'

'Dude. Seriously. Good thing you're cute!'

'Fuck You!'

'LOLZ. But ya… the Bonaccon guys make soap and skin care stuff. Seagul has used his alliance with the Master to order a consignment of factor 50 plus sun cream.'

'Ohhhhhhg…. Now I get it…'

'WORSHIP ME! We Will Worship THE SUUUUUNNN!' Quinn roared.

'Alright. Alright. That's enough talk for NOW!' Seagul interrupted as Quinn was losing the crowd,' I'll take it from here.' The crowd cheered to see their true leader shut up the lunatic Quinn and listened attentively to what he was saying. Soon they all knew and understood the sun cream plan.

…

'Shit!' Bajie stared at Henry, 'Oh fuck me! Shit! This can't be happening. Shiiiiit!' Bajie picked up the screaming baby, unsure how to comfort him. Bajie was consumed by dread. Things just got a hell of a lot more complicated.

Sunny pulled the caravan door open. He stepped inside and dropped his bag of supplies on the counter, just in time to notice Bajie's breakdown.

'AAHJHH SHHHIIITTT!'

'What's wrong?' Sunny asked.

'Why dafuq didn't you tell ME?'

'Tell you what? Is Henry okay?' Sunny went to grab Henry from Bajie. Bajie stepped back, shielding the child.

'No! You can't hold him yet. Fuck ME!'

'BAJIE!' Sunny became impatient, 'What the fuck is wrong?'

'We're already up to our arse in shit, now this has gone and fucked up rightly!'

'What …. the fuck…. happened?'

'Is it you? Or was it Veil?'

'Was it us what?'

'Don't fuck with me Sunny! You damn well know!'

'No I don't! All you keep saying is fuck and shit! I asked you to stop swearing in front of Henry!'

'The darkness! The fucking DARKNESS!'

'huh?'

'It's hereditary, asshole!'

'Why? What? I don't understand!'

'Well…' Bajie held Henry out for Sunny to see. Henry's eyes were black, just like the abbots, like m.k. Sunny grabbed the crying child. Henry instantly settled. His eyes turned white, then sleep took over.

'I… I don't understand…' Sunny was confused and terrified.

'SO! I ask again. You or Veil?'

' neither… I mean. The hell!? Veil never , I never…'

'What about your parents?'

'Quinn killed Veil's family. He never mentioned any darkness. They didn't put up a fight.'

'and your family?'

'I don't know.'

'Dafuq you mean?' Bajie grabbed Sunny by the arm.

'I don't know anything about them. The first 7 or 8 years of my life are a blank. I think I had a brother… I remember a dead boy, the Azra compass and chain…'

'BROTHER? WAS IT A TWIN? OH FUCK. FUCK A DUCK! SHHHHIIITT!'

'Can you help Henry? Stop swearing!'

'DUCKING chosen ducking one! Duck me right up the canal… we need to find Pilgrim and fast.'

….

Chau licked her fur coat. She had killed a dozen of Widow's clippers and left a nice pile of shit on her front door. A large snow leopard had been terrorising the lands lately. Several of Widow's clippers and cogs had fallen victim to it. Efforts to catch and kill the creature had failed. The snow trickled down softly in the night's breeze. Chau purred in delight, lapping up the last of clipper blood on her paw. She turned to go home. They would never know that it was her.


	13. Black Hole, white dwarf (Author 1)

Sunny and Bajie were still trying to figure out the whereabout of Sunny's brother to discover the reason for the powers of Sunny's Son, but more importantly, Sunny's mind was filled with wonder about something else. He wanted to know what Bajie was doing during the six months they were out of contact.

"I am telling you Sunny boi, the powers are inherited, and I have never seen a manifestation so early."

"That is going to take us a while to figure out, but I have a more important question for you, Bajie."

"Shoot it boi, you know we are pals."

"What where you doing the last six months. I am sure you were not just sitting at Widow's basement like the good boy you are. "

"Well sit down because the story is full of many adventures."

This way Bajie started the story of the six months until his capture to the Widow.

"As you well know, I left to signal Azra, the fucking arseholes sent me to answer machine. With classical music, so fucking they never answered."

"Did you not wait longer?"

"Why'd I ?¡"

"To know about what is happening there!"

"Fuck them! And that was precisely what I decided to do I just left straight to the red district, I just preferred to take my time by finding some lassies."

This followed a thirty minutes description of every boobs shape and size that Bajie found on the red district.

"And after getting with the red head, I telling you Sunny, she had some amazing moves upon the skirt, I get it why they say they are wicked."

"Bajie that does not contribute to the point."

"Well well, just because you cannot get Quinn out of your mind, does not mean that others cannot enjoy some fun for themselves."

"Well keep going but avoid the red district."

"Well not much after that, I just ended being thrown away when I spend all the gold I stole from Quinn's vault. Afterwards I had to find a place to stay. So I found these lovely gals that I thought were going to be my bliss, but I tell you uff, never trust a pretty face, you don't know what is hidden down there."

"What did you find?"

"Better not tell you Sunny, but as they say, once you go black you never go back, and that was definitely to the challenge."

Sunny and Bajie kept talking about the missing time, until he was captured by the widow when he was pimping some dhampirs.

…

Cyan and a young monk approached Seagul regarding what they had heard from the battle post on Chau's territory.

"Seagul!, you need to call the Master immediately! There are problems approaching the badlands!'

"What problem? "

"More of those fucking stoned people are coming, they made a bloodsheed at the post. You would not believe everyone was so disgusted that shitted to death."

"Of course, but first i need to fine Quinn, darling, where are you?"

The monk only saw Cyan.

"Is he still into that guy? Is he not dead?"

"He still thinks he is alive, but do not hurt his feeble heart."

After several rambling from the three, they finally found the Master, and prepared the plan to contain the emergency.

…

In a secret basement no so far from the monastery, a hooded boy reunited with a crowd. Everyone there were fucking vampires ready to take action as soon as they heard the news for about Chau's territory.

"What is happening? Why everyone is gathered so soon?"

"They said the crazy red guy was going to talk again"

"I hope he does not start like the last time. I remember him wearing the leaf... It is something you cannot erase."

"Oh look, he is wearing nice clothes this time. I think he found his marbles."

"Or Seaguls.."

Quinn took the stage once again, and spoke

"We are gathered today because we have finally the opportunity! To strike back from Chau's, we will take the shadows while she Is busy dealing with the pilgrims. It is now our time. "

Everyone at an uproar, raised their weapons. Meanwhile at the back the two guys started again.

"yes, finally some action!"

"But what it is our objective?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Do you?"

"No, no that you mentioned. I do not remember why we are doing this."

Both were puzzled while considering a change of career at last minute.


	14. Stench of the Bonnacon's Tale (Author 2)

Rumours of the destruction caused by Pilgrim and his army had spread throughout the Badlands. Bajie finally knew that his call from the tower had been heard. Though, he was slightly confused by how homicidal these religious 'bringers of peace' were. Sunny had gone to bathe Henry in the river and wash his diapers. Bajie thought about waiting for Sunny to come back, but when Pilgrim enter the refugee camp, he took the opportunity and went to meet Pilgrim immediately.

..

Henry was rolling in the grass and cooing. Sunny was happy to see his child in good humour. Henry however, moved a little too far to a thorny hedge and cut himself. His eyes instantly turned black and he growled. Sunny jumped out of the water and ran towards his demonic child. Sunny had recently discovered that placing his fingers on Henry's forehead, right between his eyebrows, it made the darkness leave immediately. He picked Henry up. It was decision time. Deep down he knew he could not trust Bajie. That Pilgrim guy was insane. He did not want Henry to be a killing machine obeying a psychotic master like that He promised Veil… That was it. He knew where he had to go.

..

'Baroness Chau! Widow's butterflies approach from the south. There are vampires coming from the north! WTF?' a nervous clipper informed Chau.

'Why the fuck does Widow keep trying to prove herself to me? Honestly…'

'Prove herself, Baroness?'

'Ya. You see, everyone thinks she's trying to destroy me and take over. But ya'll got it wrong. I made that bitch what she is.'

'Em?'

'Minerva was my best sex slave back in the day. I kept her to myself. She was amazing. I mean come on. Everyone knows what 'a butterfly' really means.'

'eh?' the clipper fidgeted uncomfortably.

'Oh ya, I thought her that move personally. Things were going great until she ran off with that pedo husband of hers and convinced herself she wasn't a lesbian. Like, hello? Surrounding yourself with pretty young girls all the time? Ha!'

'So, eh? What are your orders, baron?'

'Send her a bunch of roses and a box of chocolates.'

'And the vampires?'

'Arrange a meeting with Seagul.'

...

Sunny approached the monastery. He was terrified. He desperately hoped he was making the right decision. A young novice, one of the few remaining, opened the door.

'Hey bro, what you want?' the novice asked.

'Can I see the Master?'

'Eh? No.'

'Please! Its my baby. He's sick!'

'She ain't a doctor!'

'He has the gift!'

'Dafuq. He's like 3 days old!'

'Look!' Sunny cut Henry.

'Holy shit! Come in, come in!'

The novice led Sunny directly to the Master's chamber. He slammed the door leaving Sunny and Henry alone. Henry screamed and growled. A tear came down Sunny's face. He wanted to run away.

'You boy has the gift,' the Master emerged from the shadows. She startled Sunny.

'Can you help him? Can you take it away? Please!'

'Direct. Straight to the point. I like that,' she leaned in to examine Henry. She placed her fingers on his forehead and the child quietened.

'Will you help us?'

'Why? Most people would kill a thousand men to have a child like this.'

'That it what I'm afraid of. I don't want him to be someone's killing machine. I can't protect him from the entire world. I'm already a wanted man!'

'I'll see what I can do. Sit,' she took Henry and placed him in a basket. It was as though she knew they were coming. There were no chairs so Sunny sat on the floor. The Master sat in front of him.

'So tell me, what is your name? How do you know about this place?' the Master asked.

'I'm... I'm Frank... I know about this place because eh….' Sunny was unsure if mentioning Bajie and M.K. would be a good idea. The Master grabbed his hand it cut it, 'HEY!'

'Hmmm. Just checking… You don't have the gift,' the Master grinned.

'No, I, what?'

'It is the boy's mother then?'

'No.'

'So? He's adopted?'

'No, no. I think its from me. I don't know. I think someone took it when I was a kid. I don't know.'

'You remember having the gift then?'

'No. I don't remember anything about my childhood. First 7 years or so are a blank. I think I had a brother. I think I killed him... And Azra. The compass and necklace. That's all I got. Why am I telling you this?'

'I have that effect on people. A brother you say? Twin? Do you have the compass?'

'I don't know. Ya, here it is,' Sunny took the compass out of his pocket. The Master examined it. Then glared at Sunny. He was a little freaked out. The Master stood up and went to a large chest. A few moments later she returned with incense.

'Sunny. I want you to think of that earliest memory. I want you to concentrate on it. Close your eyes.' She blew smoke into his face. He coughed and collapsed into a dream state.

'What do you see, boy?' the Master asked firmly.

'Blood. Dead bodies… sand…'

'Who is there?'

'Me, people. A man in fine robes… a crown on his head… Fùqīn?'

'Dad?' terror struck the Master. She blew more smoke in Sunny's face.

'The boy! My brother. He's there. Alive. His eyes are black. He's killing people! STOP! He's killing everyone! NOOOO! Wait… Someone else… killing too… UGH!'

The Master watched as Sunny rolled on the floor in anguish. Then he froze. He gasped and his eyes turned a brilliant shining white.

'Well, shit!' the Master whispered and stepped back a hit.

'STOP!' Sunny roared before he closed his eyes once more and went to sleep. The Master stared in disbelief. Surely this wasn't happening… 'shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit… FUUUUUCK!'

Sunny eventually woke. The Master instantly handed him a drink. He was unsure at first. He did not want to be drugged again. 'Well?' she asked, 'What did you see?'

'Azra. On fire…' Sunny lowered his eyes, 'My brother killed so many people. Then out of nowhere this giant guy killed him! All these years I thought I kill my own brother…'

'Hmmm. Sunny. You mentioned the name Bajie in your sleep.'

'I did? Wait. You know my name?'

'Does he know about Henry?' she ignored his question.

'Ya, we were supposed to go find Pilgrim but, I came here instead.'

'Does he know you came here?!'

'No!'

'Sunny. Neither Pilgrim or Bajie can know who you truly are!'

'I'm not sure I know who I am… so…'

'Sunny!' The Master grabbed his arms, 'you are of the Royal house of Azra. You don't have the darkness. You have the light… You heal people and yourself. Just like me... eh... Your brother was your twin. Dark and light. And yes, he had to be stopped. But he did not need to die. It was a dangerous time for us all. Nobody can know this for now… Nobody can know you know the truth. Come though, I will show you basics of your skill. Then, then you must go back to Bajie. Henry will stay with me. Tell Bajie that Henry is dead.'

'NO! You can't keep my son…'

'Sunny, you saw me in your dream didn't you?'

'Ya…'

'Then you know who I am.'

...

Sunny wondered how the hell he was going to convince Bajie Henry was dead. He sat on the ground by the tavern in the refugee camp. He saw Bajie coming and quickly grabbed a bottle of alcohol, poured it on his shirt and drank some.

'Sunny! Where the'ell you been mate?' Bajie asked.

'Away…' Sunny replied trying to appear drunk.

'Where's Henry? Pilgrim wants to meet him as soon as.'

'Fuck Pilgrim.'

'SUNNY! He wants to help. He knows all about Azra and all.'

'To la… late. Fuck Azra... Mate...'

Bajie grabbed Sunny and lifted him up, 'Holy shit, you're drunk. Never seen you drunk. Dafuq happened? Where's Henry?'

'Gone…'

'Where?'

'Ass,' Sunny thought swearing more would make him sound drunk.

'Sunny!'

'Grave.'

'huh?'

'He's dead asshole! He's dead. The darkness killed him. Fuck you.'

'Well…' Bajie dropped Sunny, 'Shit… where's he buried?'

'What?'

'Where's the body?'

'dafuq you want his body for?'

'Pilgrim could try bring him back to life.'

'No!' Sunny panicked a bit. They would find out he's lying, 'its best this way.'

'Well… fuck…' Bajie turned and went to find Pilgrim. There was going to be a serious change of plans.

A short while later Sunny ran into bounty hunters by the entrance to the camp. One by one he killed all five of them. It took about 7 seconds in total. Sunny was proud of himself. He straightened up by a tree. 'You fight well for a man to drunk to stand,' Bajie growled from behind Sunny. Sunny turned to see Pilgrim standing beside Bajie. 'Where's the boy?' Bajie rammed Sunny up against the tree. Bajie's eyes turned black. Sunny peered over Bajie's enormous shoulder. He recognized Pilgrim from his stoner dream. He was the man who had killed his brother. Things were about to get very interesting.


	15. Nothingale's bunny suit (Author 1)

One of Chau's clippers was ridding directly to the army of vampires heading to Chau's territory. He immediately found the mysterious figure who was leading them. He was so surprised to discover that next to the guide was the Quinn resurrected, but first he needed to prepare the news before returning and prepare the peace offered.

On the other front, Seagul noticed the white guy approaching, and he knew perfectly what it was about. His spies had informed him about the situation in Chau's territory, so now he had the bargaining coin that he was waiting for. He dismounted Quinn and told him to wait, immediately he met with the emissary.

"Well, what do we have here? Is that bitch ready to discuss?"

"The baroness gave me instructions to guide you personally to her territory, she had business to discuss with you."

"Interesting, but I do not know. The rumours spread fast, and my ears have caught what happened with some visitors. "

"The baroness said that she will discussed at due time."

Seagul ordered the troops to stand. He gave them the sunscreen so they could wait for a while. He then departed with Chau's clipper for the meeting.

…

In widow's training ground, an incredible whining could be heard. It was the cries of MK who was being properly "educated" by Nataniel Moon. Meanwhile, Widow was looking from the window when one of her butterflies approached to her.

"Baroness, we have prepared a warm bath for you to relax."

"Thank you, did you put 'that' next to the bathtub."

"Yes, as you instructed."

"Excellent, I know I have not been in contact with Chau's recently, but a woman need to have some fun, and what she showed me cannot be equated"

"By the way my lady, it is... I mean... they say the size does not matter, but still that it is... well... in that case definitely is going to matter... how are you going to survive it."

"Do not worry, that Is nothing. If you knew what I have had in the past, that it is just a little snack."

Widow left the room and directed to the bathroom, while the butterfly followed her. She might have never have experienced it before, but she knew she wanted to see that kind of training and enjoy widow in all her glory.

In the meantime, Silver moon was kicking MK's ass. Every time he raised, he just kicked him back to the ground, it was a pathetic view, with all the crying, there was a puddle already.

"Are you done boy? Do you think that pretending to be strong is going to work? You know you are a looser."

"Of course, I am not! Sniff... sniff, I am going to kick your fucking ass you damn one-handed"

"Do you think that with your lame insults are you going to get better, why do you not go back crying to your transhookers?"

Silver moon hit MK with the back of the sword and threw him to the ground where he kept crying and trying to get his stand back.

"You are nothing without that black mojo of yours, just a pathetic little baby. I am sure your mother did not give you enough tits when you were younger."

"Do not talk like that about my mother, she was 10 times more man that you are now, damn one-handed."

MK took a strong grip of his sword and swung it to Moon, but he easily avoided it and hit him with the back of his foot. Throwing MK back to the ground.

"Damn! You damn bastard! Why do you not go back to the crypt you came out and leave me alone. I was perfectly fine before this 'training' of yours. I had my opium, and my transhooker, they were almost making me feel like a proper woman. "

"That is the only thing you can think off. You are really derailed, but do not fear. I will have you ready for the battle."

"If you could! with that only arm of yours. I am sure you cannot even wank properly you stupid impotent. I am sure you have not had a hard one since you lost that arm to Sunny. He fucked you hard!"

Silver moon kicked MK on the back throwing him to the floor, and when he was there he just kicked MK's balls. He was twitching from the pain.

"At least they are still there, But I am sure you have not ever used them. Do not worry I will have you ready or cut them myself. They are not even worth it for the pigs."

Nathaniel said this while grabbing MK from the hair and smashed his face to the ground.

…

Sunny woke up next to a dumpster. He did not remember what had happened. He knew his newly found alcoholism had taken a toll on him, and he needed to get rid of it fast. But the pain from Henry could not be easily waved. He raised the flask he was holding and took a sip. He needed it. It was his only thing now. Loosing Quinn, leaving Henry, all of his memories scrambling his brain. He could not afford to be sober again. The flask was his life now, but he would never leave anyone notice it. He hid it under his coat and went to Lydia's tent.

Once inside, he heard the voices. They were talking about the Pilgrim and what happened at Chau's territory. They also got news about the vampires' army on the north. Despite he still did not know about who was part of that army. Bajie was absent, and this was for the best.

"Sunny, glad you arrived. Do you have any to comment about this army, or the new saviour that just entered the badland?"

"Sorry, but I have not heard any about them, but still we need to get ready, this could even be an incredible opportunity. They will be very occupied dealing with this, and we could gather some resources under their noses."

"I know I already have the rabbits ready for anything, as soon as it happens."

Sunny was barely listen to the conversation. He only had one thing in his mind, and was the flask hidden under his coat. Without Henry, it was the only thing worth of his time.


	16. Guinefort's Breath, Bonnacon Fire (Author 2)

Lydia stumbled across a drunk Sunny lying by the dumpster. She poked him until he woke up.

'Wha… don't touch me… uggh,' Sunny grumbled before his eyes cleared and focused on Lydia.

'Morning sunshine,' she grinned, 'I've got news for you. Well, more a mission. A personal mission.'

'Leave me alone!'

'Get your ass up! You wanna help your son or not?'

'What? He's… how do you know he's…'

'Shhh, it's okay. I haven't told anyone. I promise I won't, now get up!'

'Ugggh,' Sunny threw up, then eventually stood up. He wobbled a bit.

'Good. Now, I have arranged for someone to accompany you to a very important person. She will help you understand yourself and your son…'

'What? Who? Where am I going?'

'With me, Sunny boy!' Bajie grinned.

'Dafuq I'm going anywhere with you! Bastard!' Sunny growled. He still had a black eye from where Bajie punched him.

'Look, I'm sorry about that. I was drunk on the darkness. It won't happen again, I promise.'

'It better fucking not!'

'You were right about Pilgrim. He's nuts. I'm not pals with him anymore…'

'I thought you were lovers… Did he break your heart?'

'Let's just say I woke up naked, chained to the floor with blood everywhere and sore arsehole… I like a bit of bondage, but I like to remember what happened too… He's a right old perv… Something about punishing me for my sins… Then he started to…'

'Bajie!' Lydia interrupted, 'We don't care. Take him to Ankara immediately!'

'Who?' Sunny asked.

'Psycho Bitch,' Bajie explained.

'What?'

'She's a Master of all Azra related things, and I think the PC term is 'Mad Witch',' Lydia scowled at Bajie.

'I'm not going near anyone named mad or psycho!' Sunny protested.

'Ya, I mean I don't want to be near her myself, but… hmmm, them's the odds mate,' Bajie grabbed Sunny. Sunny fought back, but was too drunk to land a kick. Bajie sighed, 'Sorry mate!' and punched Sunny in the face, knocking him unconscious. Tilda hopped up out of nowhere, 'You guys ready?'

...

'Woah, you're more obese than they give you credit for. I've never seen a fat vampire before!' Chau laughed at Seagul.

'Hey, lady! I came here to talk, not to be insulted,' Seagul cried a little.

'Boohoo!'

'Negotiate, or I leave!'

'Fine. You are soooo boring.'

'Good. Give me your lands. All of them.'

'Dafuq? Bitch please!'

'I'm serious! My vampires are ready to attack on my command! They will destroy you.'

'HAHAHA. Lolz. You're funny.'

'You're smugness will get you killed.'

'Bitch, you know jackshit.'

'Well, what do you propose then?'

'HA. I propose you get your fat ass out of here. This land is mine. Widow might be more receptive to you. She likes fat, ugly guys like you…'

'What is your problem?!'

'I'm soooo bored.'

'Ugh, once I leave this room, I will give the signal. Your white pups will all die.'

'Lolz bitch! As soon as you walked in here I gave the order for my archers to fire. Suncream won't save'em from that!' Chau roared in his face.

'What?! You! But!'

'I promised YOU safe passage, not anybody else.'

'Wait, how did you know about the suncream?'

'Bitch, I know everything. Now get out! You're farts are ruining furniture.'

'Quinn is alive! He will destroy you!'

'Oh honey, where do you think I get my info?'

..

Bajie carried a still unconscious Sunny towards a small hut high in the mountains. It was rather decrepit. Bajie sighed and knocked on the door. He desperately wanted to run away from this. He missed being a pimp.

'Come in!' a husky yet feminine voice shouted out.

'Fuck me…' Bajie whispered to himself and entered.

'Piggsy!' the handsome figure inside exclaimed.

'Eh… hi…' Bajie dropped Sunny to the floor. Sunny started to wake.

'Come closer darling, I'm old and stiff!' Ankara could not get up out of her chair. Her hair was long a grey, her dress long and blue.

'Oh? What happened to you?' Bajie leaned downward to kiss her.

'Just old age… Em… I knew you'd come back to me. I knew you would, sweet chosen one. Who is your friend?'

'ha, ya… Well, that's what he's hoping you can tell him. He had a son, recently deceased, who had the gift. We think it came from his dad, but daddy ain't got no memory of it.'

'BAJIE! YOU BASTARD!' Sunny rose and lunged at Bajie, 'You hit me again!'

'Woah! Woah there Sunny, meet your new friend here,' Bajie pointed to Ankara.

'Hmmm,' Sunny composed himself and turned toward the old woman.

'Nice to meet you young man. Don't come any closer!' Ankara moved her head into the shadows in slight panic of being recognised.

'Okay… Em…'

'Bajie told me everything,' she tried to rush things along, 'The time has come for me to help you it seems.'

'Ya, can you help me figure out what the fuck is going on?'

'Yes, of course, my dear.'

'Have we met? You sound very familiar…'

'Eh? No, no… sweety, no… Eh… definitely not… eh…'

'Are you sure? Your voice… your smell even… Its…'

'No… shut up and drink this,' a hairy arm emerged from the shadows with a cup and blue frilly sleeves.

'What is it?'

'DRINK IT!'

Sunny obliged. He soon felt faint. Bajie picked up the smoking joint and blew it in Sunny's face. Sunny fell to the floor with the same feeling as with the Master. He panicked. What if they found out the truth? He tried to reach the door stretching his arms out in vein, but his strength failed him and his limbs went limp, 'shit… no…'

Ankara handed Bajie more drugs in needle form and pointed towards Sunny.

'Won't this kill him?' Bajie grew concerned, but did as instructed.

'Well, I ain't called the Mad Witch for nothing…'

Sunny groaned. It was the weirdest feeling he ever had. Images of his past flashed before him. Suddenly he was in a palace. It was bright and beautiful. Then blood. Violence… 'My sweet boy!' a man said. He stood in front of Sunny, blocking out the light, 'You are my last heir. Take this. RUN!' the man handed him a crown before a sword point poked through his heart. KidSunny bend down and crawled under the throne away from the slashing swords. Pilgrim stood among the bloodshed grinning, 'A NEW WORLD! A NEW AGE! HAHAHAHA!'

'What dafuq Is he saying?' Bajie stared at a convulsing and rambling Sunny.

'New worms! NEW WORMS! BLOBSS!' Sunny roared in his dream state.

'Interesting…' Ankara also listened closely.

'He's overdosing you old fool!' Bajie rushed towards Sunny.

'NO! let him rest…' Ankara's cane whacked Bajie where it hurt the most.

The next morning Sunny woke with a heroin addiction and a hangover, 'Ugh… fuck…' and he threw up once more.

'Good morning!' Bajie smiled, 'What did you see?'

'Eh? Nothing…' Sunny lied.

'You were shouting about sexy Quinn,' Bajie winked.

'Eh?' Sunny wasn't sure if Bajie was telling the truth or not, 'Where Ankara?'

'Still sleeping. We had a wild one ;).'

Sunny stood up. He tried to find his balance and grabbed the table. He noticed a wheelchair in the corner. It suddenly dawned on him why Ankara sounded so familiar.

'Morning sunshine!' Ankara grinned.

'WALDO!'

..

Pilgrim's army regrouped after their first, second, and third failure to convert Chau. They decided to refocus their efforts west of the Badlands. It was not long before they reached a small company of men travelling the road with a cart.

'Good afternoon, strangers,' Pilgrim grinned, 'care to join our merry band?'

'Good afternoon, sir,' a grey hooded figure replied, 'thank you for your invite, but we are busy at work here.'

'What work is greater than making Azra anew?'

'Oh, more fucking Azra witnesses…' Fergus growled under his breath and placed his hand on his sword.

'Eh? There are many great things in this world,' the grey hood replied.

'None greater than Azra. Join us. We are peaceful folk,' Pilgrim reassured.

'Ah, yes. I too am a non-combatant.'

'Good,' Pilgrim drew his sword, 'join us or die!'

'You know not who you mess with!' Fergus stood in front of the grey hood, with his sword drawn.

'Hmm, I thought you were non-combatants!' Pilgrim mocked.

'I am,' Master Tarbh lowered his hood, 'but my friend Fergus here… He is of Guinefort.'

'Where?' Pilgrim was confused. Some of the new convert became nervous. He heard whispers of the bonnacon. He stepped closer to Master Tarbh, 'What is the bonnacon?'

'Hmmm, perhaps the reason you should have stayed in Azra dear boy,' Tarbh grinned and set Fergus upon the unsuspecting Azra witnesses. Pilgrim's dark ones sprang into action, but by then it was too late. Master Tarbh broke his principle rule. He turned, lifted his robe, and unleashed the power of the Bonnacon.


	17. Big brother loves beauty (author 1)

Bajie was watching Sunny sleep when Ankara/Waldo came back with a cup of tea for him.

"Well, Ankara, or should I call you Waldo?'

'I'm Waldo today. Ankara on weekends.'

'Okay... so where the fuck were you all this time?"

"Oh! it was quite an adventure."

…

Quinn and the vampires where ready at the outskirts of Chau's territory. They were waiting for the order of Seagul to launch their attack. The wait makes them impatient.

As usual, two soldiers at the back were talking in the meanwhile.

"So, how did you sleep? Were you bitten by a mosquito?"

"No bro, but that would have been much better than those damn couple in the tent next to me, they were having sex the whole night."

"Oh? Really? Did you not give a little check in on them?"

"Come on, I am not a pervert. I mean I am, but I remembered who were the couple, and I would have preferred to watch a couple of dogs fuck that those bastards."

"why? Are they not of your taste?"

"Of course not, the guy is so morbidly obese. Seagul is like a skinny bitch at his side."

"Who would have had sex with him? "

"It was one of those butterflies. I heard she was so broken after sleeping with a guy called MK that sleeping with that pig bastard was the only thing enough to get rid of that horrible memory. But I heard that afterwards she was crying because the memory still was not erased."

"Damn, that M.K. must be really something if you have to belittle yourself that much just to get rid of the memory."

The sun was still ready to set while they kept their discussion.

…

Meanwhile, Waldo started with his story.

"It was very interesting, I got lost after the battle with Quinn, but I found myself close to a village at the outside of the badlands. A couple of mafia guys found me while they were travelling to visit the next heir of the chief of the village. Of course, I showed them a little 'respect', and asked me to help them."

"Woah, you are always getting into problem old geezer."

"Come on it is not that bad."

"What was their mission they had to do?"

"They were going to recruit the last heir of the village, which had been away for several years. The previous chief died on spring."

"Don't see the problem there though"

"Well they met the guy, but they got confused. Because there were two guys there, and one as I told them, HE IS SO FUCKING GAY! But they did not believe me."

"Only one of them was gay?"

"Yes, but when I spoke with village secretary, he already knew he was so gay, and that is why he was away, so no one could have noticed. "

"Really, no one had noticed he liked from behind? Damn villagers"

"Indeed, they had an agreement with an opposing faction later, and we had to go to rescue them, but that the guy was gay so he knew how to kick hard and rescued everyone else. "

"Shit you are always in rebellions, do you not think you might be part of it."

"Who knows, but to be honest, he actually looked a lot like Sunny, but gayish. If that is ever possible."

The Ankara wig and dress was just resting next to Bajie the whole conversation, and everyone was still waiting for Sunny to wake up.

…

The widow was unaware of the army of vampires at Chau's and had Nathaniel scout the territory searching for the rabbit. But she got surprised when one of the Butterflies called her because M.K. had collapsed.

"What is wrong with that bitch? He is just a fucking problem. I would love to just kill him if there were other guys with the gift. "

She rushed to the room and found M.K. lying on the floor, all bloody.

"Oh damn! Don't tell me he finally did it? "

He was taken to the healers, and waiting for him to wake up, and finally be able to use that bloody talent, and not just listening to his bitching.

She left the room and when to take a stroll around the mansion. She did not want to stay next to that bitch while he slept. While walking on the garden, she heard some voices and found some of her butterflies here. She stopped just on time to not be seen. But she could clearly see and hear what was happening.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"Do not worry, no one will notice. I heard about this stop from Tilda, she said that her and Odessa came her all the time."

"Really, those two?"

"Yes, she even showed me some things. Let me help you."

She opened the uniform of the butterfly which revealing a voluptuous but well-shaped figure with a big pair of unpractical to fight boobs. These were covered by a silver chain mail bra.

"Wow, you have more than you show."

"Sorry, I tried to no hide it. Because when I was younger I was always bullied due to the size."

The shy butterfly blushed a little because she was new for this, and no one outside of her family had seen her with body almost completely uncovered.

"Do not worry, I will be gentle, and teach you the ways."

She approached and touched her red blushed cheeks which caressed softly with a smile. The touch made her deviate her gaze a little because of the embarrassment.

"Calm, it will be fine."

The intrepid butterfly approached slowly without losing sight of her innocent pray. She stopped for a fraction of seconds close to her face, the tip of their noses touch for an instant, both of them smiled. They could feel each other's breath which showed slight signs of increase breathing. They gazed candidly and with a smile, slowly approached together closed their eyes, and their lips finally touched. The touch of their lips was soft and warm. Immediately, the intrepid butterfly raised her arms instinctively and embraced her lovely pray, and softly pushed her own body which pressed against the voluptuous breasts in front of their own. They were completely read and hot, and the only thing white left was the chain mail bra which barely covered them. She decided to slip her hands to the back and started to release the pressure which blocked the marvellous and warm touch she was sharing. It did not take even a second for her to unlock the back of the bra which afterwards fell to the ground.

This was all which the widow could restrain herself and turn her head away and left immediately. This scene could only remember to her all the night she spends with Chau, and she could never forget. Her body was warm now and decided to take a bath.

In her way back still flustered from the scene she had witnessed, she found Nathaniel in the hall.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, no. Everything is fine. Do you have anything to report."

"Yes, but it is better if we talk in private."

They walked to widows office, and closed the doors.


	18. Moon Rises, Seagul Seeks (author 2)

Sunny woke up. His head was still spinning. He stared at Waldo, the man who had raised him since he was seven.

'What the fuck Waldo?!'

'What's wrong, sunshine?' Waldo asked.

'You're Ankara !'

'oh, well. Ya... about that, eh? What can I say? We all have secrets.'

'How much do you know about Azra? How much do you know about me? All those years?'

'Eh? A fair bit kiddo...'

'Fuck you!'

'You should be thanking me. I kept your ass safe all those years.'

'What? How? I went to war everyday!'

'Oh Sunny boy, it is impossible to kill you if you haven't noticed.'

'Huh?'

'I mean how many times have you been impaled? Run through with a sword, etc yet you're still breathing right?'

'I've... I've healed rapidly all this time? How come nobody noticed?'

'Veil did. She only ever gave you tic tacs as antibiotics. Haha.'

'What?'

' As for me, well kiddo, I was assigned to look over you until the chosen one arrived. To make sure no nutty guys found out about you until you could handle yourself.'

'By who? Who's the chosen one?'

'You father... He arranged for your 'gift' to be hidden within you until the time came. As for the chosen one... well I near shit my pants when M.K. showed up. I was ready to throw the towel in if that little bastard was the chosen one. Hell, he was the reason I signed up to Widow. Couldn't bare the thought of that little son of a... anyway... Then Veil became pregnant and I knew, well I prayed, your kid would be the proper saviour.'

'Okkaaayyy...' Sunny wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.

'well, got bad news for ya, Ankaldo. You mind if I call you that?' Bajie barged into the hut with three dead rabbits on his shoulder, 'Henry's dead, so M.K. is back on the menu.'

'The hell he...' Waldo caught a glimpse of Sunny's uncomfortableness and knew instantly Bajie could not be trusted with any more information, 'well, never mind then... Eh? Bajie be a doll, gut those creatures outside and let me and Sunny catch up alone.'

'Alright...' Bajie left in suspicion.

'Waldo. Tell me the truth about everything you know about me,' Sunny pleaded.

'You up kiddo.'

...

Quinn walked into Seagul's tent. He froze. Anger washed over him, ' You son of a bitch! Traded me in for a newer model alll readddy!' he huffed with his hand one his hip.

'Quinn! It's not like that... you know I love you... but I have needs,' Seagul replied. A large sweaty blob creature lay on top of Seagul. It grumbled at Quinn before exiting Seagul and finding it's clothes and leaving.

'Have you no decency?' Quinn roared.

'Sweety please!' Seagul pleaded.

'You're men bake in the sunlight for you. They wait FOR YOU. THEY WAIT FOR GLORY IN WAAAAR while you wait for more ASS LIKE A DOLL. You disgust me. Lead your men or I will.'

'Is that a threat?'

'It's reality sweetheart. I told you Chau ain't gonna mess around.'

'I... I made a deal with her. It's all sorted honey.'

'Liar! Why are the troops still stationed in the same place? Or are ya'll that stupid?'

'I am in charge, Quinn! Get used to it!' Seagal stood up and snarled at Quinn.

'You sure about that, honey? You really sure? I knew you couldn't be trusted.'

'What have you done?' terror struck Seagul. He rushed out of the tent to find his men dress in Quinn's red clipper uniform, 'WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?'

'Oh sweetheart, you are so naive,' Quinn grinned, 'Welcome to the Badlands.'

...

Pilgrim's people had dwindled significantly. The ones that had not died at the hands of Chau or Fergus, or Master Tarbh's ass, had died from the weird rituals Pilgrim and Cressida insisted on every night. With only two dark ones left, and one of them dying of the black death, Pilgrim was heading out to find the M.K., the only other dark one he knew about.

Close to Widow's manor, Pilgrim's crew stumbled upon a young girl and a man three times her age and size in a full scale battle. It was difficult to see who was winning. The man had a metal hand. They swore at each other. Pilgrim cleared his throat and stepped forward from the trees ,' Brother and sister, there is no need to fight this day.'

Moon and Tilda glanced at the new guy before fighting again.

'Hear me!' Pilgrim shouted, ' Hear my call for peace! Join me! Join Azra! Together we shall bring pea...'

'Shut the fuck up!' Moon roared and charged at Pilgrim, 'dafuq you really want?'

'Eh?' Pilgrim was now pinned up against a tree, 'M.K. ! I want to see the boy. That is All!'

'M.K.? you wanna see that junkie bitch? Hell I'm not ever sure he's still alive!'

'He's not a junkie bitch!' Tilda objected.

'Really? When did you see him last?'

'Well...'

'ya, you shut up too, dildo.'

'so Eh? M.K. then?' Pilgrim asked shyly.

'Ya, come on all of you, I'll take you to him. You too Dildo!' Moon jeered.

'It's IRON RABBIT!' Tilda shouted at Moon.

'Ya, Dildo...' Moon grinned before knocking her out.

...

'Ugh! Goddamn... gross! Uggghhh!' the Master whined as she tried to change Henry's diaper. The child had been given non baby food and everyone else suffered the consequences. He cooed and giggled.

'Cyan? Get your ass in here!' the Master roared. Cyan entered the chamber to find the walls and the Master's face splattered with diarrhoea. There was another explosion. Cyan laughed. The Master growled. She regretted taking the child. She hoped Sunny returned soon. 'Why won't it stop?'


	19. Someone Enjoys Furry (author 1)

A continuous chain of buckets were carried around on the room. Several young monks were dispatched to keep passing the water and to take the shit out of the place. The odour was impossible to bear.

"Dear Lord, how much are we going to be supporting this thing, when is Sunny coming back?" The Master was getting impatient. She could not keep the smell controlled for too long. Cyan was just laughing because he had lost the sense of smell with his interaction with the Bonnacon group.

"I hope you have fun with that child. I am sure Sunny took his leave and now its enjoying a can of Pringles under the tropical Sun of the Bahamas. "

"I prefer to not hear your mockery Cyan. At least I hope you will keep guard. With all this trouble we don't have enough people scouting in case of any attack."

Cyan was glad to leave the place. Smell aside, it was a sad to see how low his master has fallen.

…

After surviving the encounter with Nataniel and with her mother, Tilda was very angry. She was traveling as fast as they could, but they needed to bear with MK and his menstrual cramps.

"Are you sure you can walk M.K? I know it must be painful, especially during your days."

"I am telling you, it was a shuriken. I survived a fucking shuriken!"

"Sure, sure. You do not need to be brave with me. Especially because you must be glad! After your encounter with Cillan you were not actually pregnant."

"Fucking Hell Tilda! I am telling you! I am a man."

"Sure, of course."

They stopped close to an empty cave near the end of the forest. They should have covered enough distance in case the Widow decided to betray her at last time.

"What the fuck is with your mother Tilda. She is kind of crazy," Said Odessa, while trying to catch a break.

"What else should you spec from that bitch! I cannot bear the sight of her."

"Then why did you do that agreement with her? You know she is going to betray you at the end."

"I know"

M.K. interrupted the conversation, "I know my own reason, but I am glad you found more noble ideals to fight against your mother."

Tilda straightened and agreed, "Of course! I am so resented to that bitch! I mean! Look at her! Fucking boobs she has! I am flat a fucking board! I look as a man! At least it would be great to have the good figure like M.K. "

"I am a MAN for Christ sake!"

Odessa was resting and stretching and Tilda just approached from behind and grappled her boobs

"You bastard! Why do you have these things! I mean look at my mother! She has a big pair, and she did not pass them to me!"

Tilda stood there puffing her non-existent chest and M.K. realised why Tilda liked Odessa. She had what Tilda desired but did not possess. BOOBS.

"Rabbit, are you telling me that all this fight against your mother is because you have no boobs?"

"Yes! Why else? Fucking hell. It is the most important thing! Why do you thing I am with you? For your brilliant personality? You got captured like in no time. Of course, it is because your boobs."

M.K. and Odessa were just liking at Tilda who started to complaint about the flat chested her mother gave her.

…

Sunny and Bajie were more or less trying to endure the Ankara/Waldo thing, but it was not the simplest thing, especially when she could come with a massive dress.

"Tell me sweetie, do you think you are ready to walk outside. You have been on bed for a long now. I am not saying that it is not good to have a nice man there."

"I thought I knew you well, but you always give me a surprise Waldo."

"What did I tell you Sunny, I am a box of surprises for my age."

Sunny finally put his feet back into the floor and sat there thinking for a moment before raising from the bed, "I think it is time for me to move a little. We have a lot to talk. "

Bajie was sitting inform of both of them fidgeting with the Azra compass, "I cannot believe everything started with just this tiny piece of junk. But we can't change the past, can we? We need to prepare ourselves for that crazy old man."

"Don't get so ahead of yourself. You still need to recover from your drunk master training, but I am sure by the time you meet you will be perfectly."

Sunny looked at the flask on the table and thought that would help to fight once the drunk fight starts, but first needs some training.

…

Lydia was preparing her new place, and one of her "refugees" which was spying in the front lines returned with news about the resurrected Quinn.

"Viceroy! I have news. Seagul was seen in the outskirts of Chau's territory, but he was not alone! They saw a new red clipper army, and it was spotted a figure identically of Quinn!"

"That damn bastard. Not even dead can keep him down. But this time, I will be ready for him. Find one of the rabbits and tell them to immediately send report if they spot Quinn coming close to the fort."

The refugee left living Lydia prepare herself for the possible return of her undead husband.


	20. Blind Cannibal Seeks Tasty Assassin (author 2)

'Es ist mein teil, mein teil... da das mein teil... mein teil,' the old man sang as he prepared the vegetables for his evening meal. He hadn't eaten meat for some time but was hopeful tonight was going to be his lucky night. He lived a pretty good life until someone stole all his sheep. Now he was blind and growing stiff with age, but his spirit could not be broken. A cool breeze rushed through his tent. He grinned and dropped the vegetables into a large cauldron. 'mein teil...'

...

'Eh? Widow?' Moon asked.

'WHAT?!' Widow snapped. She had been super annoyed since M.K. got his powers back and ran away.

'That Pilgrim guy has been waiting outside for a few days now... should I call him in?'

'Huh? Ya... sure. I haven't killed anything in awhile.'

'Eh? Okay...'

A few moments late Pilgrim and co entered Widow's chamber. Widow froze in awe as Pilgrim walked majestically down the stairs towards here. Those eyes, those muscles, that body... She struggled to control herself. She cleared her throat, 'Welcome, ahem, sir. hmmm, daaaamn... What brings you here?'

'I come to spread the word of Azra!' Pilgrim declared.

'Ufffhhhhff,' his voice made Widow's knees weak. Moon rolled his eyes.

'Are you willing to listen to me? Join me?' Pilgrim creeped closed to Widow.

'Yes! Hell YES!'

'Good.'

'Careful, Pilgrim,' Cressida warned in jealousy, 'That one has a bad reputation.'

'Tell me Widow, why do you except the ideals of Azra so easily? Do you know of it?'

'Yes, Pilgrim. Yes. It is my true desire. Azra... and some hmmm,' Widow trailed off.

'Good, shall we form an alliance then? Convert all your clippers and cogs to the cause. We will take out Chau and everyone else who gets in the way of Azra.'

'Sounds like a plan...'

'Also, I seek the one named M.K.'

'What?' Widow's fantasy was ruined.

'The dark one named M.K. He is important to me.'

'You know about him? Shit.'

'Yes, one of my darklings is dying. So I need to replace him,' Pilgrim pointed to Castor.

'Wait... I'll give you M.K. if and only if you help me get my powers back.'

'You have the darkness?'

'I did until that sexy bastard Bajie took it from me...'

'You know Bajie? Very well... We shall see what we can do for each other.'

Meanwhile Moon moved closer to Cressida. She was more his type. He like older women. Out of jealousy, she flirted back with him, 'Hmm nice hand...'

...

Sunny and Bajie were on their way back to the refugee camp. However they had gotten lost along the way and ended up on the wrong side of the mountain.

'Bajie...' Sunny began to break the awkward silence.

'What?'

'What do you really think about Azra?'

'Well, I told you it was all bullshit, so I might not be the best person to ask.'

'But, these dark power things... You have it, Henry...'

'Ya, I don't know. We might have been descendant from lab rats or something.'

'Hmm, but do you think there will ever be peace? Will there ever be a time when people like me won't be needed?'

'What's gotten into you? I preferred emotionless killer Sunny. He was more fun.'

'I just don't want Henry to grow up in a world of chaos. I don't want him to be a killer like me...'

'But he's dead... So...'

'hmmpf,' Sunny lowered his head.

'Shit! You sneaky bastard! He's alive!'

'Ya, I just didn't trust you... I'm sorry.'

'Sunny! Do you know what that means?'

'No.'

'The chosen one thing. It might not be M.K.! Thank fuck for that!' Bajie grabbed Sunny lifted him up and kissed him.

'PUT ME DOWN!'

'What was that?' Bajie dropped Sunny. They could hear a voice singing close by. They moved quietly closer to it.

'My stomach was full as it could be, and nobody ever got around to finding Timothy... TIMOTHY!' the old man sang cheerfully. Sunny decided the old man was completely harmless and went to say hello.

'Hello, sir. My name is Sunny, this is Bajie.'

'Arrasur how'eryas? Dija shay sheeps? Befur Monday a few Sundays ago dey were righten then t'was bright and feckin thieven bastards. I can't feckin shay nothin lads,' the old man replied.

'Eh? Sorry sir, I didn't quite catch that.'

'Masheeps! Nohin!'

'Sheep?'

'Arrasur yasar from feckin abroad. ahem..,' the old man cleared his throat. He realised it was stupid to ruin an opportunity like this, 'Greetings travellers, my name is Michael. I am the keeper of this tent. Former master of sheep. I am completely blind and completely harmless. Come feast on my boiling vegetables.'

'Thank you.'

'FOOD!' Bajie ran toward the old man's pot.

'Patients sir. Sit and I will serve it to you.'

Sunny and Bajie sat down. Their tummies rumbled. As soon as Sunny was handed the bowl of soup, he devoured it. Bajie grew impatient, 'Where's my food grampa?'

'Coming right up boy!' Michael slipped the roofie into Bajie's soup, 'Coming right up.'

Bajie drank the soup down as fast as he could.

'Is that nice fellas?' the old man asked.

'Yes, thank you,' Sunny replied, before starting to feel light headed. 'I just... Oh shit!' The tent began to spin. Sunny had been drugged so much the last while he knew what was coming next.

'Sunny?' Bajie looked over as Sunny collapsed to the ground, 'Oh you bastard!' Bajie ran towards Michael, but he too collapsed, 'Son of a bi..'

'Timothy. TIMOTHY!' the old man grinned and sang aloud once more.


	21. Family Friendly club (blind cannibals continuation) Author 1

Chau had her eyes covered at the sight of her naked brother. Only a single banana leaf cover his nether regions while the rest of his perfectly chiseled body was exposed. It was like looking a moving David statue with muscles carved by the gods.

Chau tried to remember that it was his brother in front of her and not a piece of meat for her collection""tell me brother. Are you ready to complete my offering?"

"Is mother finally changing her closet? I do not see other reason for you to come to me"

"Not yet, but I have other plans for you. I discovered who helped you on the contest".Chau took his 99% naked brother to the outside where she showed to him a line up of drag Queens.

""These are your conspirers and you cannot deny it"

"I do not know what are you talking about"

Chau gave the signal, and her clippers put the wrong pair of shoe on the drag Queens.

"Do you think this is going to work with me?"  
The suffering was evident. Chau now ordered to cut one dress from the line. And screams could be heard.

"ok! ok! Stop this massacre. I will do whatever you want. Who is the objective?"

"excellent brother, I like your spirit. The person you are looking for is Pilgrim. '

...

M. K. was lost on the woods, and he was not feeling well with all his period beading out. He fell onto the ground as a man was about to clip him, but another dark one appeared and clip the guy first.  
"you must be M. K. I have come for you sister'  
"who are you? Did seagul sent you?'  
'No I came hear by pilgrim's orders. We need you. You are our next Madonna!'

...

A fierce battle had happened. Pilgrim was attacked by Chau's brother, but he had the help of widow.

'I came for you Pilgrim! And you know what time is it, don't you?"

"yes! Catwalk battle!"

Both of them approached the centre and requested a referee, and from no where Ru Paul appeared. ""OK, ladies, we have the Standard rule, model and imitate; as always beauty before age, then shine! Fabulous people. "

Chau's brother got onto the stage and started aswift walk, nice pace and simple. His first action was to remove the top of his ninja costume. A nice and easy start. Pilgrim continued. He imitate the walk and removed the top of his crazy priest garment. Puking could be heard room after this, even death guys died again. It was Chau's brother turn again, but at that point Widow interrupted by going on to the stage. "what the fuck are you doing? You should be wanting my ass, not this ridiculousness!"

eww" said Chau's brother, and with the disgust on his face. He left by the protection of darkness. Pilgrim looked disgusted, and confronted widow, "you who seek and why you find? "

"really dude, I still don't know what you are trying to say. But we should be fighting together "And pilgrim accepted the condition. Meanwhile at the back, you could see Lydia just chilling,with A pipe o her hands."Damn girl, now I understand why he is so high all the time.

...

Sunny and Bajie reunited with Nathaniel who was chained. ""we need to go, and we will solve this outside. Do not worry I already got rid of the vampire followers on here"

"yes, let's deal with it outside ". On the floor a couple of meters from there lay two vampires.""dude? Have they gone? I know we needed to play blind, but we know dead too? "

"I know, but if we had not done that, we would be a kebab "yeah, first Quinn, then seagul. We thought we could have it easy with the blind dudes, but now they are clipped too?"

"we are without options here, and definitely do not want to come back to one of those speeches with seagul not Quinn"

"shhh, they are coming, play dead"

Bajie, sunny and moon, passed next the two vampires who do not give a fuck and did not noticed them. In the end they reached the exit and continued the discussion.

"Sunny, you need to give me closure, die or kill. Which are you taking?"

"if we fight, you will need to take care of the diaper duty from my son, are you ready?"

"what? Forget it dude, we are cool. You can go. No cleaning no one's diaper. Last time I ran a family friendly club, I got so many abandoned children. Just leave. Don't forget to take bajie with you. He has been sending kisses all the conversation."They both resolved the issues and took opposite directions.


	22. Carry Henry to Mountain (author 2)

Cyan looked at the map. He sighed. The dark ones tracker was leading him up a large mountain. He knew where it lead. Henry giggled as if he saw the humour in it. They moved swiftly up the mountain. Eventually they arrived at a small hut. Cyan swore under his breath. Henry tried to repeat the word 'fak fak fak.'

Cyan knocked on the door. Ankaldo opened the door. He wore the dress but not the wig.

'ANKARA!' cyan cried out.

'Cyan, my old friend. What brings you here?'

'eh? Wait, I'm confused. I thought you were...'

'WHAT?! What did you think I was?' Ankaldo scorned.

'Never mind... I am looking for this child's father. I believe he may have come this way...'

'OH this is Henry? Very cute!' Ankaldo dropped the dead rabbit he was gutting and picked up Henry.

'How did you know he...'

'Sunny and Bajie left here about 10 minutes ago. I'm surprised you didn't see them... Wait... ah shit... They must have taken the wrong road... Cyan? Could you be a darling and check they didn't get eaten by cannibals?' he handed Henry back to Cyan.

'cannibals?'

'Ya, they're blind. Here drink this... They won't here you coming. You'll be fine,' Ankaldo slammed the door in Cyan's face.

...

M.K. woke up in Pilgrim's fortress.

'Ah, you are awake, youngling . Is good to see that you are very much alive. We were worried when we saw that you are a junkie... Cressida will help you get clean ... and then...' pilgrim said.

'Who dafuq are You?' M.K. squeaked.

'Forgive me. My name is Pilgrim. You have met Nix already, a fellow darkling. We have searched hard for you sweet Mary-Kate.'

'FUCK YOU! MY NAME IS M.K.!'

'Ah Yes, Widow said you were a feisty one, haha.'

'THAT bitch! Fuck all'ya'all!'

'Let me tell you about Azra, Dearest Mary-Kate,' Pilgrim completely ignored M.K's insults.

'WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?'

'Hmm... You are among the chosen few. A darkling. Brought about to change the world, for the greater good. And that good is Azra.'

'Good? Fuck you.'

'In time my child, in time...'

...

Sunny and Bajie parted ways with Moon. They were still slightly confused. They had been drugged , chained, and almost eaten, yet Cyan, the one Sunny killed some time ago, had appeared mid way through the ordeal, handed henry to the blinded cannibal, and left Sunny and Bajie tied up. Sunny was however grateful for Henry's return. Afterall, Henry was the reason Moon did not kill Sunny. With Henry on his back once more, Sunny and Bajie walked over the hills and far away.

'Sunny?' Bajie asked.

'What?' Sunny was dazed and hungry.

'I still can't figure out Ankara...'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean. WTF? I knew Ankara as a mad woman whose greatest crime was bad hair and horrible love potions. You know her as Waldo, the psychopath who makes kids gouge people's eyes out. Like who the fuck does That?'

'Ya, I mean I always saw Waldo as a father figure ... it was odd seeing him as Ankara... but... I guess we never really know anyone.'

'He's a fucking nutcase!'

'Stop swearing in front of Henry!' Sunny grabbed bajie's shoulder.

'Sorry... got used to him not being here... did the Master cure him?' Bajie investigated the baby.

'No... I have to swallow my pride and find Pilgrim. Maybe THAT psycho can cure Henry.'

'Why do you hate Pilgrim so much?'

'Because... I can't tell you... not yet...'

'You and your secrets are going to get us killed mate... get us ducking killed.'

'Like you are always honest and forthrightly.'

'Ah shit... shit shit shit,' Bajie doubled over in apparent pain.

'What is it? What's wrong?'

'It's a feeling. A bad feeling...'

'The human meat we ate?'

'NO! It worse than that. A bad feeling. Someone somewhere as seriously gone and fucked , sorry ducked some shit up.. somehow it's going to come back on ME.'

'What do you mean?'

'IF I FU... ducking knew... ah shit.'

...

Castor led the charge on a motorbike against the refugee camp. He had no idea why Pilgrim ordered him to kill random refugees. It was all a bit strange. At the same time, Pilgrim had been acting weird since he met Gaius. He was being kind of creepy even obsessive... somewhere along the line, Pilgrim threatened to kill Gaius, even though he had no idea where he was, and Baron Chau made an alliance with Pilgrim purely because her mother would go psycho if her darling son died. After Chau's clippers and Castor killed a bunch of refugees, Tilda and Gaius appeared and kicked random people's asses. Tilda whacked Castor on the head, knocking him off the motorbike. Castor's eyes turned black. Tilda was instantly in love. After a brief fight, Castor's illness took over and he collapsed. Tilda rushed to him side. Odessa rolled her eyes.

Castor woke some time later. Tilda was smiling at him. He panicked. Tilda held him down, 'Shhh . It's okay. Rest now. Rest.'

'Who are You?' Castor squeaked.

'I'm Tilda, this is my wife Odessa.'

'Okay... why am I still alive? You tried to kill me... and.'

'You remind her of bitchface M.K.' Odessa replied sarcastically.

'You know M.K.?'

'Unfortunately,' Odessa sassed.

'You know of her?' Tilda asked.

'Pilgrim found him... He is my replacement... Fuck Pilgrim! That asshole sent me here to die!' Castor cried.

'Hey Look,' Odessa smirked, ' if you don't whine as much as M.K. I'm happy for you to replace that bitch.'

'How could pilgrim betray me like That? I was like a son to him!'

'Oh my fucking God... do all dark ones cry all the time?'

'Odessa! Stop! This is an emotional moment for him,' Tilda tried to comfort him,' he has just discovered the man he worshipped is a lying hypocrite. I can relate.'

'Whatever...' Odessa left the tent.

...

Widow walked into the refugee camp. She saw dead refugees and dead Chau clippers everywhere, ' dafuq happened?'

'It seems your fluffy Pilgrim pal allied with Chau to kill your people,' Moon replied calmly with blood dripping from her sword.

'Bastard.'

'Minerva?' Gaius spotted her and ran towards her. She drew her sword.

'Whose side are you on?' she snapped.

'To be honest, I've no idea. I was sent to kill pilgrim, found out he was your lover and ally, then I overheard him order a hit on you and the refugee camp... something about getting an std... then I turned up here and my sister's clippers were carrying our Pilgrim's orders, so the fuck I know? I just want to go back to my cell. Life was easier there.'

'I hate Pilgrim... come Nathaniel, we must kill him, like you killed Sunny and Bajie.'

'EH... Ya...' Moon shifted nervously, ' yep they are definitely dead. Just like Quinn.'

'God I miss that sexy bastard.'


	23. Around the Peeing Mountain (author 1)

The tension in the badlands increased. With the crazy Pilgrim attacking on two fronts, and the Quinn vampires at the north, the times of not-so-much-peace have over. But no one tell the stories of those who live in the badlands. They also suffer greatly with their own adventures.

…

Back in Pilgrim's museum, two acolytes were walking when they spotted the new boy speaking with pilgrim.

"Did you see the new guy? "

"I did! He was knock down and started winning about his momma. "

"I am sure you would be doing the same if you lose your momma."

The acolyte takes out a picture of his mother from his pocket.

"Yes, she is a great mother. I could never see her suffer."

"But you left her back in the wastelands to rot and die."

"Exactly my point. I said I could never see her suffer, so I better left to not see her."

"Of course."

"Look, look! The guy is trying to walk away."

"He looks like if he had just been born. It is so pathetic. Why do we keep recruiting these guys anyway? We have lost more than a hundred during this journey."

"I think because Pilgrim likes to buy in bulk. I mean, have you seen how many toilet paper he bought? I am sure he loves his discount coupons."

"Well, that is what happens when you follow a crazy guy, but hey, at least we get free ice cream on Fridays."

"I hope we have Choco chips this week. "

"Ah look, the crazy woman is painting something on the wall"

"Mmmm, have you noticed the smell?"

"EWWW she did it again! It is painting with shit!"

…

The Master was in her chambers trying to tune some radio, but she remembered they were in a post-apocalyptic place, and she would need to survive without her morning news. During this time, she already saw Cyan depart with Henry, and even the little bag of poop always kept shitting the whole monastery, she was starting to miss him already, and thinking twice about the decision she took of returning him.

"I am not sure if I made the correct decision by letting Henry go back with Cyan, I mean he shat all over the monastery but still he was kind of cute."

A random abbot was walking after finishing cleaning the sheets from a previous Henry incursion. Immediately, he was caught in the monologue from his master.

"Tell me Young man, don't you think we should get back the little guy?"

"He? Me? Are you talking to me?"

"Who else is in this empty room, with no life."

"Well... I do not know... maybe you should check your pills, master. I think you ran out of them."

A trainee monk walked in curious about what was happening and was caught in the crossfire too.

"Tell me you, young monk, what do you think?"

"Wtf? Master are you ok?"

"Of course, never been better!"

The two young man stared at each other completely puzzled of what was happening. The youngest whispered to his superior's ear.

"Is she, you know, drugs again?"

"Don't think so... since the baby, she has been like that. You know. She is not getting any younger."

"I thought he had a fling with the weird obese guy."

"That, that never worked. But She should get laid. Well, I mean, half of the people here has no balls, but still I am sure she can get a toy."

The master was carrying a piece of furniture and was embracing her like a baby on her arms.

"What do you want little baby? Are you hungry?"

The two monks saw the immediate horror when she removed the top of her robe, to feed the fake baby.

"Ewww!" Both of them said in unison and ran as fast as they could. They have seen unspeakable horrors which would never be removed from their minds.

…

In the fort, Lydia pas dealing with the subtleties of a Viceroy, when a maid knocked the door.

"Yes, come in."

"Lady Viceroy, an envoy of butterflies has come. They have urgent news."

"Bring them in."

Two girls came in and addressed to her.

"Viceroy, we have news. The refugees are being attacked by pilgrim's troops."

"What?! What the fuck is doing that wicked redhead? Not a week since we joined forces, and I have my ass covered by pilgrim already."

"What are your order?"

"Dispatch the clippers available here and give this paper to Gaius."

"Yes!"

The two butterflies left and started talking in their way to the door.

"Is Gaius the model guy? I saw him when he was being tortured, he is really hot."

"Yes, He is even in Deadpool 2 as Shatterstar. "

"I can imagine him as one terminator guy. Really hot coming down from the sky totally naked. "

"Shhh, they are going to listen to you. We have to go back."

"But I know what you will be thinking tonight."

…

Sunny and Bajie were walking down the mountain after their encounter with the cannibals.

"Hey Sunny boy, do you have a coconut water with you?"

"wtf? You know I only carry deathly weapons. Why would I have a coconut water?"

"I do not know. You seemed so fresh, and You need refreshment. I mean, you are always in hot situations."

"Let's get going Bajie, the heat is getting you."


	24. Bonnacon Wind Howls (author 2)

Bonnocan Wind Howls

Master Tarbh prayed quietly in the chapel. He was deeply worried. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Fergus ran into the chapel, ‘Master, you called for me?’  
‘Yes, Fergus... it seems we have underestimated this Pilgrim guy and his gang. Despite our efforts, they have grown in numbers. Go quickly. Arrange a meeting with the Master lady and Seagul.’  
‘Master Tarbh, I believe than psycho Quinn has taken over from Seagul. I’m not s...’  
‘Oh perfect! His love for war and the Catalyst is exactly what we need.’  
‘I don’t understand.’  
‘You will in time. Prepare the boy.’

Bajie and Sunny made it to a river crossing. Henry giggled. Sunny felt nervous. Bajie sensed it, ‘You alright mate?’  
‘Ya...’ Sunny replied. He kept his head down.  
‘You afraid of water or something?’  
‘Something...’  
‘No bother mate, I’ll just have a chat with the River King and we'll be on our way.’  
‘NO! NO! ANYONE BUT HIM. PLEASE! ANYONE BUT HIM!’ Sunny dropped to his knees pleading.  
‘What dafuq Sunny? Never seen you scared before... ‘  
‘I just can't.’  
‘Alright...’ Bajie sighed, ‘I might have an alternative.’  
...  
‘Sweet Mary-kate, you look well rested,’ Pilgrim smiled.  
‘Fuck you,’ M.K. growled.  
‘M.k.!’ Nix smiled and rushed to hug him. He felt a twinge in his tight red leather pants. It was the first time it ever happened while He was sober. He was unsure what was going on. It hurt. He shoved Nix away and grabbed his groin. It felt better when he rubbed it. Nix and Pilgrim looked on in horror.  
‘You fucking creep!!’ Nix slapped M.K. across the face.  
‘MARY-KATE?!! I DO not understand!!’ pilgrim was in shock. Meanwhile Cressida appeared, quickly assessed the situation and grabbed M.K. before he could embarrass himself further. ‘Come child, no bad choice of words,’ she said and beckoned to a reforming prostitute, ‘this way child, you have much to learn.’  
...  
Sunny and Bajie boarded a small boat. Bajie began to act giddy. Sunny felt uncomfortable again. A dishevelled woman appeared. She instantly ran at Bajie with a knife and swore in seven different languages. Sunny quickly searched for a weapon of his own. Bajie wrestled with the mad woman. They fought for a good ten minutes smashing into things and making a complete mess. Sunny was deeply confused. Then they started to kiss. Before sunny could process what was happening, the woman's sagging gg-cup boobs were exposed, and Bajie's pants were down. Sunny panicked and turned away from the horrific sight to vomit. ‘Ugh. This is way worse than naked Quinn.’ It was then that Sunny realised that with his back turned to Bajie and the boob lady, Henry now had a perfect view of procreation in action. ‘Henry!!’ Sunny shouted and ran to another room on the boat. He vomited once more before sitting on a crate. He tried to erase the images from his mind, but the moaning and animal noises could still be heard. In an effort to clear his mind, a different image flashed before him. It was another trapped memory. The hooded figure, the boat. ‘Fuck!’ Sunny shouted, ‘ I think I was on this boat before!’  
‘Oh really?’ Bajie asked. He stood half naked in the door way. Sunny did not notice him. He was focused on moving crates. Eventually he moved the right one, ‘MOTHERFUCKER! I knew it!’ Behind the crate was a carving. It was of two small boys and a hooded figure. Sunny ran his fingers along it. A faint memory of creating the carving came to him.  
‘How did you know that was there?’ Bajie asked.  
‘I drew it. I was here as a child... I think that was my brother. I don’t know the hooded figure...’  
‘Hmm. Weird. So what does it all mean?’  
‘I don’t know... I just... don’t know.’  
‘Speaking of drawings, do you have the picture that Ankaldo gave you of Pilgrim's place?’  
‘ya,’ Sunny rummaged through his pockets,’ here.’  
Bajie took the picture and gave it to the woman. She laughed as soon as she saw it. Her still exposed boobs jiggled, ‘You having a laugh mate?’  
‘What’s wrong?’ Bajie asked.  
‘Look!’ she handed the drawing back to Bajie.  
‘Hahaha,’ Bajie’s testicles bounced as he laughed, ‘ typical crazy old bat.’  
‘What? What is it?’ Sunny stood up.  
‘It appears our dear Ankaldo still has a sense of humour.’  
‘I don’t understand.’  
‘Penises.’  
‘Huh?’  
‘Look. Behind the building. He drew you a dick pic. Two dicks actually. How did you miss that?’  
‘Son of a... now What?’  
‘Oh this is my ex wife by the way.’  
‘I can’t take you there chaps. Sorry,’ the woman said.  
‘Ah shit.'  
‘Sorry Baj . You're still a great guy to Fuck, but you’re still a fucker. And I’ll be fucked if I go near that place!’  
‘Alright… then give me your dress and a wig.’

Sunny and Bajie left the boat. ‘Sorry about that,’ Bajie said.  
‘Why is she you’re ex? You seem to get along pretty well.’  
‘It’s complicated.’  
‘How?’  
‘Basically we got divorced when I found out she wasn’t adopted.’  
‘EH?”  
‘She’s my biological sister.’  
‘Dafuq Bajie??? You just...’  
‘But to be honest, she never forgave me for cheating on her.’  
‘What the fuck is wrong with You???!’  
‘I know. I’m a terrible father...’  
‘You have a child with her?’  
‘What? No no. Not here no.. . It’s much worse.’  
‘How could it possibly be worse than impregnating your own sister?’  
‘Well I’m sure you’d figure it out eventually... whiney bitchface is my son.’  
‘Huh?’  
‘M.K.... M.K. is my son.’  
...  
Widow stood up from the bath. Water dripped from her boobs. She usually liked to make Nathaniel watch, but he was visiting Lydia for some reason. This time she had Castor watching. He was chained to the floor. The boy was confused, but not disappointed at the sight. Widow’s ginger pubic hair reached below her knees. Castor was kind of into the natural look. He grinned.  
‘Tell me boy,’ naked Widow approached him, ‘ Tell me all about Pilgrim's plans.’  
‘Why? What’s in it for me?’ Castor replied staring at Widow's 32 Bs.  
‘What do you think?’  
‘Woah…. EH… well. He plans on murdering everyone who stands in the way of his Azra fantasy. He’s kind of a apocalyptic guy. Kill everything start anew.’  
‘What? Do people know that?’  
‘Well I think they like the idea of happy Azra and all that so haven’t actually realised Pilgrim’s Azra won’t have humans in it…’  
‘Remarkable.' Widow got dressed just as Nathaniel burst through the door.  
‘Baron! Your clippers have turned against You. Your cogs have run away!’  
‘FUCK me!’ Widow rushed passed Moon and straight into a crowd of anger butterflies , ‘How dare you defy me!! I am your baron!!’ ‘You suck. That’s why,’ one butterfly answered.

‘where are you going? What is the meaning of this?’

‘We’re going to Azra.’

‘But that nut job is going to get you all killed for his psychotic cause!!’

‘And how is that different from serving you?’ The clippers grabbed widow and tied her up. ‘Nathaniel!! Help!!’

‘Sorry, spiderbitch, I’m done taking orders.’

…

Sunny was now dressed as Bajie’s wife. He kept his head down as Bajie made arrangements with the River King.

‘This is my beautiful wife Jane and our son, Baldy,’ Bajie introduced the River King to his “family.” ‘Shit,’ Sunny swore under his breath, trying to hide his face.

‘How do you do, miss Jane?’ RK asked. ‘Fine…’

‘You remind me of someone. I can’t quite think. Oh yes! I see why Bajie married you now!’

‘Ya, she’s great. Now can we.’ Bajie tried to change topic but RK ignored him.

‘I captured a clipper once. I took some time to get a permanent buyer for him. So I made the best of a bad situation, miss Jane. You see, turns out a lot of people were willing to pay a loooot of money to enter than particular Phoenix.’

‘gjjddcvza,’ Sunny tried to control his rage and not throw up at the same time. He could not blow his cover no matter what. Henry’s life depended on it.

‘Bajie here,’ RK continued, ‘ was my best customer. Couldn’t get enough of that clipper. Wonder what happened to him after. He was my best investment. Every though it was expensive to keep him drugged all the time.’

‘ha, ya… em. I wonder. Ha... hmmm...Different times right honey?’ Bajie tried to deflect. But he knew it was too late. Sunny’s stared at Bajie. He wanted to kill everything within a ten mile radius.


	25. Vegans eat their radish (author 1)

Nataniel Moon left Widow's mansion, and the revolution happening at the outskirts with red Quinn. He went gallantly to Lydia's house in his attempt to get some milf taste.

"Lydia! Where are you?!"

"Nathaniel! What are you doing here? Is there something happening?!"

"who cares about that bitch, I want to be with you!"

"Nataniel, I told you this cannot happen ever!"

"Of course, it can! And will. You do not know the loneliness of the forest! So much time without some female meat, and a man needs to feast."

"You know that that only brings problems! You saw it with Quinn and Sunny. "

Moon got confused by the words said by Lydia, after seen her undress and exposing her breasts meanwhile she was saying them.

"Wtf?! You just said no, but you are totally naked now!"

"Oh, I mean, you came here, to say all those words, and get scared to see a woman naked? Who is the incongruent person here? Anyway, I thought it was the most appropriate thing to do, I mean, you came here with that massive boner, and I thought why not? we are going to be dead soon. Why not have fun. But we are not together because of these."

Moon noticed the massive beast awaken between his legs, and decided to take the offering by Lydia, He had a nice pair of boobs to have survived ghost Ryder, so why not to have some fun He approached Lydia, hornier each step.

"Thank you for the offering."

…

Quinn and his vampires were mobilising small groups to spy Chau and Widow. He knew that there was a shift in the dynamics of the Badlands with the arrival of Pilgrim, and he was more than willing to take back control during the struggle of power.

"is the intel squad deployed?"

"Yes, sir."

"Excellent, as soon as they have returned summon me back here. I will be busy in my tent with important businesses, do not disturb me until then. Do you understand?!"

"Yes, sir."

The vampire left, and Quinn entered his tent where he had tied a fat person on a chair.

"Hello Seagul, are you comfortable on your new throne."

"Let me out Quinn, you will regret it!"

"Why? I thought you liked to play rough."

"I mean, I liked the style. These ties are excellent for a great foreplay, but that is not what I am talking here, and you know it!"

"Well, my old friend, you will need to get used to them because this will be your new accommodation for a long time."

Quinn took a ball gag from a nearby table and strapped it around Seagul's mouth.

"Here is one of your favourite toy. Enjoy"

Quinn left the tent leaving behind the incomprehensible words of the strapped Seagul.

…

After the short talk between Bajie and the River King, finally he had some lone time with his gg-cup 'wife' in an empty room of the ship.

"Oh! Well boy, that was not as bad as I thought."

Bajie was trembling a little after saying these words, now that he was not surrounded by people, he was fearing a little for his life.

"You damn bastard! I knew I could not trust in you!"

Sunny took of the wig, and put the master of shit, Henry, in the nearby bed. He immediately turns to face Bajie, and grappled him from the neck of the shirt he was wearing. Sunny tried to raise him from the ground, but Bajie was so fat that was not possible.

"You are an asshole! Everything we had just suffered. Staying away from my wife! Not being with my kid was born, the search for Quinn, my imprisonment, all of that, it was because of you!"

"Calm down, sunny boi, let's not cry over spilled water. The past is the past, we should focus on the future."

Sunny pushed Bajie to the wall full of anger.

"Are you asking me to calm down? Everyone always tell me the same about you! But I thought I could trust you. Now, I do not think so."

Sunny released Bajie and went next to Henry.

"If I would not need you to survive this place, I would kill you on the spot. But once we get out with Henry's bowel problem we are done! You can be raped by Gaius if it were up to me! "

"Come on Sunny, I mean, that champ has great abs, but let's not go ahead of ourselves. Can we not thing about some forgiveness here?"

"Why I would ever forgive you?"

"I am trying to save the good old Henry there, am I not? I am trying to change. "

"As you did by fucking your saggy bag wife on the port?"

"Well, ahem, with those melons, I would not say no."

"That is what I am talking Bajie. You are not worth trusting."

"Come on! I know what you actually need, you need some good old action. To put the sausage in some good buns. You have not had any action since you make the little shit master there, don't you?"

"That is not your fucking business!"

"Come on, let me help you"

Bajie approached Sunny and grappled his crotch.

"Wtf are you doing?!"

"Come on, boi, I am just trying to test the merchandise, I need to know what I am going to sell to the ladies."

Sunny and Bajie kept fighting for a while that night.

…

Two of the released clippers were outside of a room in the recently over thrown widow. They were talking while guarding the door.

"Did you see those jugs when we captured her?"

"Yeah, those were nice."

"It is a shame that her daughter resulted boobless."

"yes, she could have been better."

The door opened and let out another exhausted torturer, almost dead. The two guards tried to help him, but he died at the moment they raised him.

"oh, feck sake, another one."

"How many have been?"

"Like a dozen. I do not know what they are doing there, man it goes in to interrogate the spiderbitch, man it dies! We need to report another one."

"They still have not been able to get any information from her"

"I know, I mean, she is naked there and tied, how is that every man it tries to torture her gets out dead."

"I guess that is why is the black widow for some reason"

"The two guards closed the door and dragged the body to a near pit where the other bodies were."

"I think we should report another failure, to Pilgrim. "

They locked the door behind them and went to inform about this.


	26. Dragonfly Can't Dance (author 2)

'Come sweet Mary-Kate, I will show you the great works we do. Then if you are still disappointed in us, you may offer suggestions or leave us for good,' Pilgrim lead M.K. off a small boat to the muddy land behind Pilgrim's fort.

'Okkkkaaay,' M.K. was feeling unsettled and eyed up an escape. If Sunny really was coming here, M.K. wanted to find him and kill him on the road so Pilgrim could not stop him. After a short walk they stopped. M.k.'s jaw opened in disbelief at the sight before him.

'I know, sweet Mary-Kate, isn't it magnificent?' Pilgrim asked proudly.

'What the actual fuck?' M.k. was not so impressed,'I thought you guys were digging for something Not, not building THAT.'

'We are still digging... but.'

'But you raided a refugee camp, slaughtered lots of people, fucked up more of the Badlands, just so you could build a giant clay penis?'

'Yes but, it...'

'Dude, the fuck?'

'Stop interrupting. I will explain.'

'haha. I'm listening.'

'You see, once we find the nuclear bomb and set that off...'

'The what bomb?'

'Shhhh! Once we set that off, we will destroy the earth. Rid it of all impurities . Start anew. In order for new life to spring forth, the Sky goddess must mate with the Earth god. Hence we are...'

'hahahaha hahahahahaha,' M.K. fell over laughing, 'You know what? I'm sad Quinn is dead, the conversations you two would have had... pure gold!'

'Who? Stop laughing boy! This is a serious matter!'

'Dude, you built a giant clay dildo. How the fuck am I supposed to take you seriously?'

'You do not understand!' Pilgrim grew angry.

'What if the Sky goddess doesn't like uncircumcised? Or likes bigger or smaller? Are you sure she's into dicks?'

'HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME! Though... you raise an salient point... Men! Gather round! We must build more penis towers!'

...

Gaius sat in a prison cell once more doing naked tai chi. The room door burst open and Clippers dragged in Widow. Moon and Tilda followed behind. Moon gave instructions. The cell door was open and Widow was flung inside. Tilda was mesmerized by Gaius. She was not into guys, but she could not held herself. Moon rolled his eyes.

'Who are you?' Tilda asked placing her hands gently on the bars.

"Gaius Chau. Mighty warrior. Model, actor extraordinaire.'

'Mighty warrior who gets his asses kicked every time he picks up a sword,' Moon grinned. Tilda felt sorry for poor defenceless Gaius all alone with Widow for the night.

'So Moon, you treacherous bastard,' Widow growled behind the bars, ' You are Baron now? After everything I did for you!'

'Hell No! No. The new baron is the most beautiful lady in all the land.'

'Chau! You sold me out to Chau?!'

'Ha. Again, no,' Moon chuckled just as a figure emerged in the doorway.

'I am your new baron now,' Lydia smiled an evil grin.

...

After much fighting, Sunny and Bajie made it to Pilgrim's fort. Sunny held up the picture Ankaldo gave him for comparison. 'Hmm,' said Bajie, 'Look! Psycho bitch wasn't wrong! Two giant dicks behind the castle!'

'gruuf,' Sunny grumbled. He was still unsure about meeting Pilgrim. Pilgrim was the asshole who destroyed Azra and Sunny's family afterall, if Sunny's stoned dreams were to be believed. Sunny had planned on telling Bajie what he knew about Pilgrim, but then with recent discoveries, Sunny much preferred the idea of slitting Bajie's perverted throat. It wasn't long til guards came to investigate the new comers and escorted them inside. Pilgrim was not present and they were told to wait around. It did not take Bajie long to find a lady to give him a tour of the place. Sunny chose to stay in the main hall. He felt extremely uncomfortable. Every fibre of his body told him to run. Told him the place reeked of evil. He shuddered. There was a smell of blood both fresh and old. Sunny paced nervously around the hall trying to calm Henry. Henry's illness had gotten worse. It was then that Sunny noticed the wall. He blinked in disbelief. He stepped back. It was definitely what he thought it was. 'Dafuq?' he whispered as he stared at the blood painting resembling his tattoos. He cuddled Henry, 'We can't be here.'

Just as he turned to leave a small figure emerged from the shadows, 'Hello murderer!'

'Huh? Who's there?' Sunny asked realising he was unarmed.

'You've forgotten me already? Hmmm. How sad.'

'I know your voice...'

'good. It is the last thing you will hear.'

'M.K.?!'

...

'This AIN'T HOW I DO THINGS!' Quinn roared in the dimly light room.

'Please calm down, Mr. Quinn, none of us are happy about this,' Tarbh tried to reason with him.

'Y'all telling ME, that rat bastard pilgrim guy is going to use my precious boy to destroy us all, and y'all wanna be calm?!'

'Quinn!' the Master stood up. She held a toy baby doll in her left hand, ' Pilgrim is pure evil. He makes you look like a level 1 boss.'

'And who the fuck are you anyway? I see you lurching around ma tent with Seagul!' Quinn's fangs began to show.

'I am the Master of the monastery near the border. I help dark ones control their gift for the greater good.'

'sweetheart! You don't fool me! You telling me you have an army of dark ones and just suddenly became interested in politics. Shit, honey, don't lie. If we gonna be allies, don't lie.'

'Whatever our reasons,' Tarbh interrupted, ' We all want Pilgrim gone. Each of us has a unique skill set. Each of us is capable of destroying the other. But if we unite in peace, Pilgrim will be vanquished in a blink of an eye.'

'So, miss Master,' Quinn nodded in agreement with Tarbh before staring at the Master, 'What is Pilgrim doing to my Sunny?'

'I don't know. It partly my fault. I should never have let him go. I thought I was doing the right thing...'

'That's mighty helpful information.'

'Look! I wasn't expecting this. I never thought anyone would be dumb enough to send a signal let alone someone dumb enough to answer. I certainly didn't anticipate a visit for Mr. Apocalypse himself.'

'Hmmm, apocalypse. I was partial to that myself for a time... I understand his ways better than y'all.'

'I don't think you...'

'Am I not a cult leader? Did I not convince a bunch of idiots to kill themselves for no reason?'

'You did? WTF?'

'Pilgrim is just a more pc version of me.'

'Ugh…,' the Master was regretting this alliance, 'Pilgrim is you on a larger, more idiotic and supernatural level.'

'Sweetheart,' Quinn exposed his fangs, ' Am I not a supernatural being maself now? Hehe!'

...

'You killed my mother!' M. K. screamed at Sunny.

'What?' Sunny was confused and stepped back, 'I thought you killed your mother?'

'Silence!'

'M. K. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to you, but you know I didn't kill your mother! That's ridiculous!'

'LIAR!' M.K.'s eyes turned black and he lunged at Sunny.

'M.K.! Stop!' Sunny dodged holding Henry tight in his arms, 'I'm not here to fight. I'm here because Henry is sick! Stop trying to attack me!'

'DIE MOTHERFUCKER!' M.K. kicked Sunny in the stomach. Sunny moved Henry out of the way just in time, but took the full impact of the kick himself. It sent him halfway across the room.

'What the fuck is going on here?' Bajie appeared from the side of the staircase. He saw Sunny in agony on the floor.

'He killed my MOTHER!' M.K. ran towards Sunny. Bajie intercepted. He hit M.K. between the eyes and the darkness left M.K., 'You bastard!'

'Look M.K., we both know Sunny didn't kill your mother!' Bajie grabbed M.K. by the shoulders and shook him.

'The hell do you know?! I saw it in my dream!'

'For fuck sake M.K. last time I met you, you were crying that you killed your mother yourself! Get a grip kiddo!'

'BUT I SAW SUNNY!'

'hmm,' Bajie let go of him, 'I suppose it was my fault. I shouldn't have left you in that orphanage...'

'What?'

'You parents aren't dead. The woman you keep calling your mother never existed. She's your imaginary mother!'

'LIAR! The Master told me you're a liar!'

'Shut up for five seconds! Yeeesh. Think about it. You came to the Badlands to find your mother right?'

'Ya...'

'And...'

'And?'

'And the first person to show you kindness was?'

'Sunny...'

'Exactly. Soooo, your stoner damaged mind made Sunny your mother figure.'

'Wait what?'

'Yes, then you saw yourself killing your mother because Sunny was captured and you thought he was dead, hence his death was your fault.'

'The fuck?' Sunny stood up and slowly made his way over.

'Yes...,' Bajie continued, 'Then fast forward a few months, you discover Sunny is alive, you're super happy, then he abandons you to rescue his girlfriend and kid and you never see him again. Hence killing your mother figure.'

'Okaaayy,' Sunny looked horrified and confusedly at M.K. M.K. was deep in thought. It did all make sense to him in a weird way. He looked up at Sunny. Sunny smiled at him trying to keep the peace. M.K. growled, 'I am M.K. the Bastard, you killed my imaginary mother, prepare to die!' The darkness took over M.K. once more and he started to strangle Sunny. Bajie grabbed Henry. Sunny struggled to get evil M.K. off.

'Peace be with you!' Pilgrim shouted. M.K. froze, Sunny felt dizzy. Bajie was confused. 'Mary-Kate! I told you to leave the catalyst alone!' Pilgrim growled.

'Mary-Kate? Haha,' Bajie laughed.

'If he's the cattlist, where are his cows?' M.k. snapped back.

'Cat-a-lyst, not cattle-ist. You get your brains from your mother,' Bajie grinned.

'Fuck you!'

'Leave us, Mary-Kate! Leave us at once!' Pilgrim roared. Sunny looked cautiously at Pilgrim. Pilgrim looked at Sunny and smiled, 'Come we have much to discuss.'

...

M.K. muttered to himself as he wondered through the former museum. He thought about asking Bajie how he knew stuff about him, but was too annoyed with everything. He picked up an ancient Samurai sword. Something stirred behind him. He quickly turned. Castor emerged from behind the wooden screen sword at the ready, 'I'll be damned if I'm replaced by a bitch like you!'


	27. Leopard snark's mouth

The arrival of Sunny brought new hopes to Pilgrim, and he took his new guest around his castle of illusions. The first point on the agenda was to show the massive phimosis penises of the castle.

"Look around, Sunny, be proud because what you see will bring new light to the world. Once they are hardly stroked, they will ignite the cataclysm of the world and release to the world the pure and white freedom they seek."

Meanwhile, as Pilgrim gave his speech to Sunny, hard workers were giving their best during their work. Pilgrim looked at them and approached.

"Tell me my brothers and sisters, how are the bushes going? I hope they are proud and thick, and surrounding very well these big monuments!"

"Yes, sir! We keep the bushes thick as you requested, but we are still confused about the two big massive round pair of things next to them."

"Do not suffer my people, they are just to complete the picture, we want them to stick proud on to the sky. Stay hard on and look proper by the moment of the explosion."

"Explosion?"

"Yes, do not worry about those details, just keep the bush around well-trimmed."

…

In Chau's dungeon, some clippers were sent to pick up Gaius who was imprisoned with the Widow.

"Gaius! You are up again...wtf?! Why are you naked again? Did we not give you clothes just yesterday?"

"There are no clothes which could contain me."

The Widow was completely naked at one corner of the cage trying to cover herself.

"The fucking bastard would not even left me get some of the clothes the bastard."

After a few seconds of the clipper drooling for the widow's naked body, he remembered his task and took out Gaius only.

"Come on Gaius, let's leave the witch on her cell. So, she will stop bewitching the clippers."

The clipper took him out of the room and met with some other clippers to escort Gaius to her sister. One of these clippers caught the attention of Gaius.

"Hey you, I think I have seen you before."

"No, I do not. I just started. I have been of duty for a while."

"I think I have seen you before. Your face rings a bell."

"Don't think so, I have been the beach until now."

"Are you sure? Tell me, what is your name?"

"I should not give any information to garbage like you."

"Come on, what is the hurry, I mean we are not in the rush hour. I will not go anywhere I am sure you can give me your name."

"It is Jon, but my friends call me Foo."

"Do you not feel it racist, I mean I think you look like an Asian descended from Cork, but I am not your cousin to judge."

Before they could continue their conversation, they stopped at Chau's waiting room, and let Gaius in.

…

Pilgrim had given a full tour to Sunny and Bajie and left them in their rooms. He walked through his penises buildings towards Castor room. He listened to some fighting and decided to intervene. He entered to the room, and saw Castor screaming shit about giant balloons.

"My boy! Calm down my boy! Listen to my words, and calm down."

"Fuck off you liar! I can see it! Those balls, approaching me! They keep coming in and out. You lied to us! We believed you were crazy, but you are just a perverted bastard!"

"What are you saying my boy? Tell me! Did you look under the bed? Next to the ladies on the paper? Some of daddy's hashish?"

"Fuck off! You junkie bastard! You only care about that old book with the dicks outside."

Castor in his rampage, ripped of his clothes and jumped to the window. Pilgrim approached the hole produced by his son.

"Fuck it, I am not jumping. Where are the stairs?"

Pilgrim took the stairs down to the courtyard and could find castor going crazy around the big massive erected towers full of bush with prominent spherical constructions attached onto them.

"My boy stop your rambling. You know you don't have the strength for this now. "

Castor started to climb the humongous constructions, but he kept sliding down and going back up without being able to keep a firm grasp of it. It was not long before his strength failed until finally succumb to exhaustion and falling flacid on to the ground.

Pilgrim approached his son lying onto the ground and raised his head.

"My son, you knew this day will come, and you finally will rest. Leave everything to us know. We will bring what you just threw at us on to Azra. I assure you, you will raise again."

Castor with his last effort looked at Pilgrim and thought 'fuck' before exhaling his last breath.

…

Gaius was in her sister's room waiting for her. He ignored the reason for being brought to her, but he knew it was not good. He did not wait long before she entered the room.

"Hello brother. I hope your old accommodations are comfortable. I keep them as well as you left them."

"Yes, they were, cold as your heart."

"Oh! You give me too much credit! did I not even bring you your, your spider? You were always fond to her of that bitch. And now she is very ready for you. SHe has more experience to serve you. "

"You! old hag!"

"But that is not the reason I brought you here today. I have a mission for you this time. You must be aware of my arrangement with pilgrim. But even more, I got from him some intel and a surprising news about a group of renegades camping outside our territory. I need you to scout them and bring back the information to me. You know that now that captured the widow. I am close to finishing this horrible war, and I do not need any uprising star to block my path. I am close to my objective. "

"You are crazy, and you know it sister!"

"Don't worry, I will not get rid of you immediately brother, you will survive to see my purpose for the badlands. For a while..."

...

Sunny and Bajie were on the rooms pilgrim arrange for them. They were preparing to have what they thought was going to be the first quiet night after several active weeks, but before they cool relax, the lights turned off and the window was broken.

"Bajie look for Henry!"

Bajie was closest to Henry's cradle and was able to take him in one sweep before a mysterious ghost tried to break it.

Sunny was able to glance part of the shape of one of the assailants and launched a direct punch to his chest throwing him through the door. Other assailant was about to engage in battle with Bajie when the light from the door allowed the attacker have a clear glance of Bajie, and he stopped immediately.

"Wait? Bajie?"

"Woah, Woah, I remember you. You were the bird with the boobless Tilda. Why are you attacking us?"

"This was supposed to be the accommodation of Cressida! We were going to capture here to have some leverage against Pilgrim. "

"No, no. She is on the room next door."

"Oh! So sorry!"

Odessa and the other hooded rabbit directed to the room next door to capture Cressida, but Sunny stopped them.

"Wait! do you think we were going to allow this? I have still some stuff to discuss with her. Let me talk with her, and afterwards you can take her."

Odessa and Sunny shook hands and made a deal. Afterwards all the ground went to Cressida's room and the door was open. She was sitting on a chair in front of the door.

"I was expecting you, catalyst. It was foretold to me. We need to talk."

Mary-Kate was standing next to her. Everyone was puzzle by that point because no one was expecting him there.

"M.K., what are you doing here?"

"Cressida called me, and told me she needed to speak with me, and that you would be involved this time. I decided to take action."

"Calm down my boys. Everything will be explained soon! Everything we need to prepare, where you! Both are important."

"Come on, sunny boi, don't listen to the crazy witch of this. Remember what happened with Ankaldo."

"Remember Bajie, that we are not still in good terms! You know what you have done."

Cressida opened the curtains, and it was possible to admire the massive constructions outside. The big erected pillars with his bushes and spheres down there.

"This is the vision of Azra, this is what pilgrim has been devoted to do. Here is where this will change, and we will open the doors once closed to us when they called us crazy. Observe!"

Cressida took Mary-Kate trousers and ripped them from him in one motion exposing his nether regions to the world. Everyone was immediately surprised when they finally saw the true genitals of M.K.

"There is nothing." Said Sunny.

"Yes! this will be our first creation! This genderless girl! Will have a massive dick! And You are the catalyst for this."

"What are you talking about! I am a real boy!" Said M.K.

Cressida approached the confused whiner and explained.

"You were necessary. Why do you think the dark ones are so scare. Because the majority of the males are born without Genitals. Bajie is one of the few exceptions. They keep the secret to them, making them think they are normal, until they discover that the men have penises. That is why you are such a cute girl, and Bajie a fat bearded old man."

"Oh, yeah, cheers mate. I appreciate the nice words of kindness. At least my dong works, huh! But that could explain why he is so whiny."

Cressida addressed Sunny and explained his story.

"We were expelled from us believe that only the catalysts could give progeny with full genitalia. But the majority of the old people there did not want to spread the word because that would reduce their harem, and they did not want to share. They preferred to control this pool, and keep all the women for them, but someone stood and took one of this. A catalyst, you Sunny, to be free, and bring new people, and the hope that they will have the same ability as their father. But things go furthermore. Pilgrim with the help of a catalyst is able to make the genitalia grow for the dark ones who do not have one and bring them to full potential. That is why his whole life he was crazy and obsesses with phallic images. His only purpose in life is to bring bag those crippled to fruition."

Sunny had a terrible image on his mind, and he did not decide to wait to see how the process was for the catalyst before he started to retreat, but unfortunately this was not possible as Pilgrim was already behind them.

"I see the time has come. Finally, we will complete the circle and achieve the doors of Azra."

"The harnesses are ready for you my beautiful catalyst! While you hang and bleed, I will insert my key onto you, and the mixture of both will produce the fine elixir that will cure everyone. It will be a long and painful process, but I am sure and confident you will endure it for the greater good."

Sunny did not wait for a second invitation and signalled Bajie who grabbed Henry tightly to fight their way out.

…

A vampire scout came into the camp and informed about the massive constructions around Pilgrims fortress. Quinn was ready. Taking into account the fall of the widow, and the weakened state of the barony. It was the proper time to regain his domain and take Chau's from their grasp.

Another scout entered the accompanied by a half-naked person.

"Sir, this person is asking to speak with you. He said he has information about Chau's movements, and he is willing to talk."

"I see. So that Harpy left his little hamster of a brother free and send him to spy on me. You were expecting it, were you not? Gaius."

"I was waiting for another opportunity to leave the grasp of my sister, and you should have seen my surprise when I learned the rebel camp was guided by not other that the zombie Quinn."

"Vampire to be more precise."

"I am ready to betray her, but I as usual have my price. I will need you to give me something."

"If you serve well, you will be rewarded."

"I want Minerva for me."

"The fucking black widow? WTF with you man! You are a model, look those fucking abs! And You want the widow?"

"Hey, I heard you were banging a fucking old fat bastard, and no one is judging. Ok, they are judging, but they are not telling you anything about it. So, what? If I have been crazy about that spider since a child? We did not have lingerie magazines back there and she was the only young maid. I had to fantasize about something. "

"Very well, but do not come to me once she clips out your head. It will be your problem. "

"So, do we have deal? "

"Of course, but wtf? When did you lose the trousers?!"

"Sorry, force of habit. They get tight on the gooey bag."

They shook hands, and were ready to deploy against Chau.

…

Back in Pilgrim's museum, there were two figures hanging on the room, grappled by hooks on ther skin.

"Bajie! Told you to get ready to fight!"

"Sorry Sunny boi, it was difficult to comprehend. I thought you were thinking about his proposition, I mean it is only a doggy style for the job. Not much."

"And you never thought about these hooks?"

"I thought they were for the belly dancers, but now I feel like pork meat on the butcher shop."

Pilgrim approached the centre of the stage followed by Mary-Kate and Nix. Cressida was behind the three carrying Henry.

Pilgrim turned to address the crowd.

"My children! Today is a day of celebration! Today we will make history!"


	28. 28 Justice, my Foot (author 2)

The Bonnacon- Quinn- Master alliance had completely broken down. Tarbh and the Master grew bored of Quinn's insanity and decided to part ways. The Bonnacons and people of Guinefort returned to their homeland and decided to wait for Pilgrim to crap on them before they crapped on him again. Quinn was once more busy with Seagul. They could not fight their true love for one another, but Quinn still had ambitions to find Sunny. The Master however, felt she was to blame for allowing Sunny to get entangled with Pilgrim. She prayed she was not too late. She took Cyan, Cyan's dogs Dragon and Fly, and two dhampires with her and made her way to Pilgrim's fortress to enact a rescue mission.

...

Sunny tossed and turned in the bed. He was sweating heavily. Bajie stood over him, deeply concerned. He cooled Sunny down with a damp cloth. Sunny mumbled in his dreams, 'No... NO NO M.K. PLEASE! NO MORE! Chains! Help! M!.. K...' His eyes snapped open. Sweat rolled off his forehead.

'Alright mate?' Bajie asked.

'Dafuq...' Sunny wiped sweat off his brow,' dafuq happened?'

'Ha! Cressida was trying to tell you about the Azra penises and genderless M.K., but you got distracted by a shiny dagger in the cabinet saying "Warning! Do not touch! Poison!" but you went ahead and touched it anyway.'

'But, what about the hooks and chains?' Sunny checked his body for marks.

'I don't know. About 30 seconds after you touched the dagger, you started shouting about Pilgrim and chains and hooks ... and passed out.'

'But it felt so real... I... I was chained up, but then M.K... I felt... No... M.K. was chained up. I felt like M.K. I was M.K... fuck. I'm loosing my mind...'

'You having naughty dreams about M.K.?'

'What? No! No. I don't know wtf... I think you were chained up too. Pilgrim was saying something about making history... It was so real... '

'Ha! Mate. This place is so fucking weird. Pilgrim is completely insane and had me chained up before for some kinky stuff, but I don't see any hook about...'

'I can't stay here, Bajie. I can't... I need to get help for Henry then I'm leaving as quick as possible.'

...

The Master and her cohort creeped close to the fortress under the cover of night. The dhampires, Brad and Chad, moved ahead first to seduce the guards if necessary. Dragon and Fly had been trained to sniff out dark ones. They soon got a scent and pulled hard on their leads. Cyan was propelled forward. It wasn't long before they found Castor's body. The Master rushed to him. She looked up at Cyan and smiled, 'He is dead.'

'eh?' Cyan was confused.

'Fool! Pick him up! Return with him to Seagul at once! Chad, hurry ahead now and tell Seagul to prepare the slime of life.'

'Dude, dafuq is this place?' Chad asked distracted by the phallic towers.

'giant gay bar? Penis enlargement surgery?' Brad responded.

'All those giant dicks man. Like wtf?'

'Ya, that Pilgrim guy must host thee most amazing parties ever...'

'I want whatever the fuck he is smoking...'

'Lol.'

'SHUT UP!' the Master grew annoyed, 'Pilgrim is not the fluffy idiot you think. You must leave. Now. Brad, stay with me. The Red Lotus assassins are near... Be careful.'

...

Cressida entered Pilgrim's chamber. Pilgrim was giggling to himself and drawing at a desk.

'What are you doing?' Cressida asked in her judgemental tone.

'Designing the latest tower! It will be the most magnificent one yet!'

'No! No more penis towers. We have more than enough!'

'HOW can we recreate Azra if we don't replicate the towers?' Pilgrim held up the Azra compass to examine the towers on it.

'Fool! How many times...? I told you they are katana towers! Not penises!'

'Just one more tower!'

'NO! NO MORE!' Cressida roared, ' I feel you have taken this particular dick joke way too far!'

'The people love it! I will not stop!'

'IT... HAS... GONE... TOO... FAR...!'

'YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!' Pilgrim stood up.

'You are an embarrassment! I fear you believe your our bullshit now!' Cressida fought back.

'Don't you see?! It has worked perfectly! I have sanctioned the death of hundreds of them, yet they believe me to be a harmless fool! You should have seen M.K's face when I told him about the sky goddess! And every time I call him Mary-Kate! Ha. The people are stupid. They love me. They WORSHIP me! They blindly build penis towers for me! I own them. I did not think they would be that stupid! They are willing to kill for those towers! People come from far and wide to see them. THey leave money and supplies! Where would we be without these magnificent towers?'

'Yes, I see your point, but you cannot push your luck on it... It will harm us... you make us all look like fools. We worry about if we can trust the Catalyst or not, yet in my first meeting with him, you made me talk about penises, and worse still! You made me tape up M.K.'s testicles to prove a point! I am sick of your antics!'

'Hahaha. yes. that was beautiful. But, okay... I too see your point.'

'Good.'

'But I am honestly disappointed that nobody in the Badlands got the Stephen Chow references... particularly the Catalyst. I really thought he would understand... would laugh... even smile just once.'

'ENOUGH! We must get back to the main objective. The Catalyst has no power. We must awaken it.'

'Yes... we must awaken him... then kaboom. . !' Pilgrim's manic laughed was heard throughout the fort.

...

'Hey, handsome. What's up?' Ghost Ryder asked.

'What? Where am I? Who are you?' Castor freaked out.

'Every fucking time... you're dead. I'm dead. You're a ghost. I'm a ghost.'

'THAT PILGRIM BASTARD!'

'let it aaaaalll out.'

'I killed for him. I DID EVERYTHING HE EVER ASKED OF ME!'

'Well... shit... you're fading.'

'What?'

'Seagul slimed you. Nice to meet you though.'

Castor took a deep breath and woke up. Slime dripped down his face. He looked up at Seagul and Cyan.

'Welcome back boy! We have much to discuss.'

'FUUUUUCKKKKK!'

...

Sunny started to wonder through the fortress looking for signs of hooks and chains. It felt so real. He was terrified it was some sort of premonition. He unlocked a door leading to a balcony above the central hall. Looking down over it, he saw Cressida's latest bloodily fluid art. It was a figure in chains and hooks. Sunny panicked.

'Beware!' an old man sitting in a chair in the corner shouted at him. Sunny glanced over at him in surprise. He wasn't sure if he was halluinating still.

'Beware the red ones. You are the boy they seek!' the man continued.

'Red ones?' Sunny asked, 'Who?'

'The Red Lotus.'

'Who are they? Pilgrim's clippers?'

'Ha! No. His mortal enemy! BEWARE!'

'I'm getting the hell out of here.'

Before Sunny could make his next move, two Red Lotus assassins appeared from the shadows. 'Aw shit!'

They charged at Sunny, leaving him no option but to somersault over the balcony to a small chamber below. He was still weak from the poison. They followed. They fought with chairs, ladders, anything that was lying around. Just when Sunny thought he was winning, three more emerged out of nowhere. He fought on! And once more, just when it looked like he was going to win, they encircled him and froze. Sunny paused in confusion followed by a gasp of terror. The Red Lotus men eyes' all turned black, then white, then stayed red. 'What the actual fuck?' Sunny was more annoyed than scared now. They forced red wind towards him. His body spun in circles before collapsing. He was in a lot of pain. He knew he wouldn't make it out of this one alive.

'PEACE BE WITH YOU!' Pilgrim shouted. The Red Lotus men looked at Pilgrim in bewilderment, 'No... Shit that's not it... Red eyed ones, red eyed ones... what is the saying for those...' Meanwhile the Red Lotus men picked up injured Sunny and began to leave with him.

'ah yes, that's it,' Pilgrim triumphantly smiled and shouted, 'MY FIST BE IN YOU!' The Red Lotus men fell instantly to the ground. Sunny coughed. Pilgrim rushed over and picked him up. 'Are you alright, sweat Sunny?' Pilgrim asked.

'DO NOT CALL ME THAT!' Sunny snapped.

'I merely mean to...'

'Cut the crap! I know what you are. What you really are! I want out of here as soon as possible!'

'What do you mean, dear Sunny,' a slight snarl appeared on Pilgrim's face.

'You preach about peace and the beauty of Azra, about stopping oppression... But you are the one who destroyed Azra! You built penis towers for your own amusement while people starve. You are a monster!'

'Hmm. So what do you propose then? Did you come here to kill me?' Pilgrim dropped his innocence act and took on a sinister tone.

'I need you, I fucking hate that I need you, but I need you to heal Henry. Then I'm out of here!'

'And I need your catalyst powers to achieve my goals.'

'What the fuck are your goals?'

'Mawhawhawhaw. Like I would tell you. Yes, we need each other. Strike a deal? I will cure Henry, you give me your power.'

'Fuck you! GAHH. Alright... but you have to tell me what the fuck is really going on.'

'Fair enough, Sanzo.'

...

Quinn and the vampires rampaged their way to River King's boat. Quinn's vampire teeth were exposed. He smashed objects and roared until he found RK. He grabbed the RK by the throat, ' You! You were the bastard who took my precious Sunny away from me!'

'he tricked me. It was my right. It was justice!' RK responded calmly.

'My foot, MOTHERFUCKER! He was mine!'

'Hey, didn't he stab you and plan on running away anyway?'

'Oh honey , that's just foreplay. Here let me show you,' Quinn took out a knife and grinned.

'You creepy...'

'What did you do to ma boy?!'

'Haha. I got value out of him. My best doll ever.'

'WHAT?' Quinn roared lifting and smashing RK into the foot, 'YOU DEFILED MY PRECCIOUS BOY LIKE THAT? '

'Well technically it was the customers who...'

'SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!' Quinn dropped RK and began to circle the room. RK was unsure what to do. Eventually Quinn stopped, 'Take me to Pilgrim and I might spare your life.'

'Alright... alright. It'l take about 2 days from here.'

'One more thing... how many "customers" did Sunny have?'

'Eh... not sure. Sixty or more... why? You want the money? You can have It!'

'No no ma dear conniving little bastard, RK, just thinking to maself... I just happen to have just about 60 men here maself,' Quinn grinned.

'YOU WOULDN'T DARE!' Rk tried to escape but failed. There were too many of them.

'Oh sweetheart. I strongly believe in an eye for an eye. Hold'em down boys.'


	29. No name no joke (Author 1)

Sunny was still surprised by the news given by Cressida, and he still could not finish to understand the meaning. Bajie was worried about it and decided to stay close to him to cheer him up.

"Come on boi, things could have been much more worse. "

"What do you mean? "

"Cressida was able to convince Pilgrim to approach to a more dignified resolution. He will only bleed you to dead."

"What? What could have been worse than that?"

"Well, how do you think he was originally getting into you boi? He was literally going to go INTO you, so you should be proud he was convinced to not."

...

Ghost Ryder was homing around the old Fort. He was aware of the new resident in the ghost realm. So he was given an small tour to Castor. So he decided to start with his usual mother issues.

"Well what do you think? "

"Ghost Ryder. I keep telling you. Stop spying on your mother in the shower! "

Castor was disgusted because he was into younger birds, not MILFs or incest like ghost Ryder. They were observing the preparation of Gaius and Quinn to recover the Widow.

...

Gaius with a squadron of Quinn vampires was preparing to recover the Widow from the hands of Chau, and prepared the leading to the end of the war. Two of the scouts were Chad and Stacy, and they were sent by Gaius to find the number of guards around widows cage. After their return they said that there were only two guarding the front gate.

"Everyone prepare, I want the widow outside as soon as possible. "

They were able to enter without being spotted and arrived to the region of the castle where they were holding the widow. Before they even start the battle the two guards were knocked down. To their surprise, everyone could see the naked figure of the widow fucking off his way out of there by walking down the hall holding a sword. Immediately, Gaius rushed to her and tried to grapple her bouncing boobs, but she kick him on the balls.

"I already told you! I am not fucking you just because you save me. I already have my eyes on your sister. "

All the squad was laughing of Gaius. And giggling that he was a complete incel. In his anger, gaius just left, without his shirt, in the closest window.

Not more than a few minutes later, widow got a few clothes form a dead clipper, and a group of Chau's clippers arrived and were ready to recapture her, but Nathaniel and Lydia arrived with some of the butterflies and killed the bastard.

"Sorry to arrive late. We were banging during our free time, and we have to get rid of the pervert son of Lydia who was trying to watch. "

"Wtf? Could you get serious, and stop just jumping on each other!"

"Sorry Minerva, but you do not reject this man, specially with the addition to his new toy. He became really go with his hand. "

The rest of the clippers and vampires were completely puzzle what was happening, but they took advantage to retreat before the rest of Chau's army found them.

...

Cressida had a dream of cream, and biscuits, and she woke up. He walked down to Pilgrim's room.

'Can you not sleep? "

"The munchies keep me awake. The catalyst is here already. You must be wary about it"

"very careful, it is him. You know that we might rape him, but still he deserves respect for his ass. "

"Have you not seen the hidden biscuits of Castor?"

"He is just dead, and you are all over his stuffs. I warm you. His death is on your stomach Cressida!"

...

Nix was sitting at a corner sad after the news about Castor. MK approached to her.

"Why are you here so lonely, Nix? "

"I miss Castor. Things are going to change and Pilgrim is getting crazier by the hour."

"But his death is not on your shoulders! It is pilgrim's fault."

"You do not understand! That night, it was my fault! It was our time together, but I told him I had a headache, and he will need to wank by himself. I should have just banged him that night and he would be alive. And I would have my nightly shak, now I am lonely and I have to find a new one."

MK sat closer to Nix, and put his hand over her.

"I understand! Things can get stressful! You know that you can trust me. And I can satisfy all your lonely nights"

Nix removed her hand and looked disgusted.

"MK, you are a nice girl and everything, but I am not into that, and I have always only see you as a friend. You are too whiney. "

MK started to cry again and ran away screaming

"I am not a girl. "

...

Gaius was furious from his embarrassment with the widow, after all he did for her and she still does not give him what he wants. He had stolen one of the trucks from his sister's place and drove all night. He arrived to a house which looked abandoned. He decided to enter and sleep a little. He opened the door, and looked around there was apparently another door, and a voice inside called him.

"Come in traveller."

He recognised the voice of the Master, and opened the door.

"wow"

He looked ariund the room. It was an imitation of the room of mirrors. He saw around his own image.

"Gaius, i always recognised you would have the potential. " – said the ghostly shadow of the Master holding a baby doll on her hands.

Gaius looked his own half naked image around and after such gaze he realised something.


	30. 30-The Seventh Zeal (Author 2)

Sunny was wandering around outside the fortress by himself. He stared up at the massive towers before him and sighed, 'What the fuck have I gotten myself into?' The workers continued to bring wheelbarrows back and forth. Pilgrim was busy trying to open up the hatch that some of the workers had uncovered. He had been trying for several hours to no avail. Cressida stood over him and frowned. Sunny purposely ignored them and continued to walk around aimlessly. He did not want to know what lay beneath. The images of the chains and hooks still haunted him.

'YOU KILLED MY MUM! YOU BASTARD!' M.K. roared and ran at Sunny.

'Woah! I thought we'd been through this already!' Sunny dodged M.K.

'DIE!'

'Calm down! I don't want to hurt you!'

'Bitch, like you could!'

'M.K! Stop!'

'AHH!' M.K.'s eyes turned black. He kicked Sunny so hard that he went spinning towards Pilgrim and Cressida. Sunny landed, winded, at Pilgrim's feet sending mud everywhere.

'What?' Pilgrim was startled.

'FUCKING DIE!' M.K. roared.

'Oh, for fuck…' Pilgrim face palmed and turned toward M.K., 'Peace be with you!'

'GAH!' M.K. lost his darkness again, 'Fuck you!'

'Dumbass kid,' Pilgrim mumbled under his breath and helped Sunny up, 'OH look! The weight of your body has undone the lock. We can open the hatch now. Thank you great Catalyst.'

Sunny death-stared Pilgrim. M.K. continued to shout and stomp his feet. Sunny grabbed him and tried to calm him down, 'M.K! Listen to me! Your real parents aren't dead.'

'Dafuq you know ,asshole?' M.K. snapped.

'I thought Bajie would have told you by now, but I can't trust that asshole to do anything right.'

'Dafuq that fat fuck know?'

'Ugh, just go talk to him.'

…..

Castor stood up and wiped the slime from his face, 'Gross. Who the fuck are you guys?'

'My name is Cyan. I live in the monastery. This is Seagul, a witch and a vampire,' Cyan explained.

'Monastery? Vampire? Hahaha,'

'Hmm, we resurrected you as the Master asked. She is the reason you are alive now.'

'Who?'

'Hmmm, Pilgrim has taught you nothing, no surprise there.'

'Look, I'm sick of all this vague and cryptic shit. Tell me what you want so I can leave!'

...

'Sunny told me I should talk to you about my family before I kill him, so like hurry up and tell me what you know!' M.K. demanded.

'Ohh fuck...' Bajie was busy trying to fix an old motorbike. He stood up, stretched, and looked at angry M.K., 'Shit... Right well, the good times can't last forever aye? hmm.'

'Huh?'

'Alright, kiddo, I owe you the truth, you're right, Sunny's right...'

'TELL ME!' M.K.'s darkness started to emerge.

'Look, I'm not talking to you if you're going to be like that!'

'GRRR. Fine...' M.K. calmed down.

'Right, well, lets sit over there on the mud wall.'

'Sooooooo, tell me!'

'Hmm. Well, eh... you see once upon a time, a man fell in love with a beautiful young girl. She was waaaay too young and waaay out of his league, but anyway, she eventually fell for him for some unknown reason, probably just to piss off the Master, and 9 months later you were born.'

'Okay... So who were they?'

'Hmmm, well, me... I'm your dad...'

'You fat fuck? No!'

'Ya, your mom, well... Widow, Widow is your mom.'

'WHAT? THAT BITCH!'

'Yes... It's why she didn't kill you.'

'But wait, she's like 30 and you're like...'

'Ya, that's why the Master kicked me out. Love is forbidden in the monastery.'

'Ya, but I'm like 18, so like.'

'Yep...'

'You creepy fucker!' M.K. stood up and punched Bajie in the face.

'Ouch! Right, well I probably deserved that...'

'Why didn't either of you raise me?'

'Well, as you know, Widow hates men. If you had been born female, you'd be regent I'd guess... And I'm certainly not father material, so I sold you.'

'Sold me? WTF? ASSHOLES EVERYWHERE!'

'Well, now you know,' Bajie patted M.K on the shoulder and left.

'FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!' M.K.'s screams could be heard throughout the fortress.

Meanwhile, Sunny ended up being dragged down the hatch.

'This is where Azra began,' Pilgrim explained, 'This is where it will spring anew.'

'What the fuck does that actually mean?' Sunny asked.

'I'm about to show you,' Pilgrim grinned, stabbed Sunny with the poisoned dagger, and picked up some chains,' Cressida! Prepare the boy.'

'MOTHERFUC...ker' Sunny fell to the ground.

...

Gaius stared at the reflection in the mirrors. It was handsome, yet feminine. You could even say cute. The Master continued to blow smoke in his face. Gaius moved closer to one mirror and started to caress it, 'It's... it's so sexy.' The Master frowned, but knew this was part of the process. News of Gaius's narcissism had been greatly under exaggerated.

'What's your name, sexy?' Gaius continued to talk to his feminine reflection.

'Ahem,' the Master interrupted.

'What? She's hot? Stop being a perv!'

'Here name is White Peony.'

'Hmmm, ooooh, cutie...'

'FFs,' the Master rolled her eyes.

'What's your number?' Gaius started to flex and remove clothing.

'IT IS YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT!'

'HUH?'

'It is your reflection!'

'Dafaq?' Gaius stepped away in disgust.

'A reflection of your true self!'

'I don't understand! She's so damn hot!'

'Oh for f...' the Master massaged her brow, 'You clearly did not inherit any brains...'

'What is going on?'

'I need your help. Your brother needs your help.'

'Brother?'

'Yes, Sunny.'

'Quinn's old puppet?'

'Yes!'

'He's cute and all but, like...'

'FUCK SAKE! We need to rescue him.'

'Why?'

'AHH! Okay okay okay... He is OUR brother. I am your kin. There were four of you. Sunny is good, his deceased twin was bad. You are beauty, your sister Kannin wisdom. We come from a special family and we must...'

'Wait... I thought you were like a billion years old or something??' 

'Well yes and, I told Bajie that so he'd stop creeping on me. I am more like your grandmother.' 

'Wait...Juliet isn't my sister?'

'No. she.'

'SCORE! She's hot. Total going there.'

'WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? She's your cousin! Fuck me!'

'Oh... how closely related?'

'I have a mission for you, well for White Peony. You must kill old Mrs. Chau, the woman you know as 'mother.' She is the head of Red Lotus and is trying to kill Sunny. After that we kill Pilgrim.'

'Sure, no problem sis.'

'I fucking hope not! Now, let me show you how to activate you gift.'

...

Outside the fort, Bajie and M.K. had started to enjoy one another's company. Bajie gave M.K. lots of advise on how to get the ladies. M.K. was thrilled and much less whiny. He finally understood who he was. Things were looking up. Even Nix was smiling at him.

'M.K.' Pilgrim appeared out of nowhere, 'The time has come boy. It is time for you to show your true greatness to the world.'

'Huh?' M.K. stood up and faced Pilgrim, 'What do you mean?'

'You are the chosen one, M.K.'

'You called me M.K.!'

'Yes, you have grown so strong lately. Now is the time.'

'Time for what?' Bajie asked worried.

'Come M.K. we do not have time to waste,' Pilgrim pushed Bajie away, took M.K. and slammed the door shut.

Inside M.K. given the best food and clothing. He felt like a king. Servants tended to his every need. It all felt amazing. He wished Widow could see him now. While he was oblivious to what was about to happen, Pilgrim and Cressida arranged hooks and chains in the greathall. An unconscious Sunny was brought before the spectacle and tied to a chair. Sunny groaned a bit. Pilgrim punched him in the face, 'It'll all be over soon, 'great' catalyst. Mawhawhawhaw.'

M.K. started to feel a bit dizzy. He had drank too much wine. The room was spinning. Before he knew it, hands grabbed his shoulders and he was dragged into the greathall. 'Ah! Chosen one!' Pilgrim grinned menacingly,' the hour is upon us.'

'Dafuq?'

'Do you submit to greatness? to have your name praised throughout the ages?'

'What? Sure...'

'You have done a great and glorious thing for us. We thank you.'

'Huh?'

Chains and hooks appeared and twisted their way around M.K. He could not figure out what was happening. Pilgrim plunged a dagger into M.K.'s pack, 'this is mostly symbolic, Mary-KATE!'

'Fuck!' M.K. spotted Sunny's body on the chain in front of him. It seemed to be moving away. It was then M.K. realised he was being hoisted up into the air. Cressida was chanting something. A crowed emerged and joined in. Pilgrim opened his arms wide, and stood under M.K. letting the blood drip onto his face. It tasted good. Sunny woke up. His head hurt, his vision was blurry. He just about made out a figure floating above him, 'What?'

'UNLEASH YOUR POWER CHOSEN ONE! UNLEASH!' Pilgrim roared. M.K. felt a power serge move through him. He lifted his weakened head. This was it. He was going to expel all his power onto Sunny. He didn't know why, but it suddenly made sense. Screams were suddenly heard. The greathall door flung open. Black Lotus operatives rushed in. One fired an arrow at M.K. It hit him in the chest. Another rushed towards Sunny, pushing the chair out of the way, just before an intense beam of light flew out of M.K.'s eyes straight for where Sunny had just been. Other arrows hit Pilgrim in the chest and leg, 'ASS!' Smoke filled the room. The Black Lotus man looked at Sunny and grabbed his face, 'Are you okay?'

'Wha.. gdaa,' Sunny was still poisoned and had no idea what was going on. The man picked him up without a fight. When the smoke cleared, the Black Lotus men and Sunny were gone. Several of Pilgrim's men lay dead. Pilgrim hopped about in pain. Cressida was frozen with confusion. Bajie rushed in. He tried to make sense of what just happened. It was not long before his eyes focused on M.K.'s lifeless body dangling from the roof.


	31. The embers, the stick and the pork (author 1)

The only thing that surrounds MK is darkness. There is not a single soul that comes to him. He is dead, and it is lonely for him. His whining became so legendary that even after death, he is still being avoided.

"Hello, Anyone! I will cry again if there is no one out there!"

Far away, hidden from view, was Ghost Ryder trying to maintain himself hidden from M.K. He did not want to deal with MK, and wished for someone to resurrect him as soon as possible, or he would need to pass to the other side just to never see him again.

This made MK become a wandering ghost until someone would come save him from this destiny.

…

The Master was working on Gaius training, but this resulted in a more challenging task than previously thought. The biggest obstacle to awaken Gaius gift was his narcissism. Even avoiding the fact of self-harm to active his gift, it was an issue of self-image.

"What do you mean I will go black eyes and dark veins?! Do you think I am just a simple stunt man in a Stephen Chow movie. Have some respect recently discovered sister."

"Fuck sake Gaius! We need our powers if we want to stop this war for good! Stop whining you almost sound like MK."

"Come on sister, you could have asked politely, there was no need for insults."

"Sorry comparing you with that was too much."

"Ok, I will give it a try as long as I look good for the agents."

…

Cyan and the recently resurrected Castor where walking around the vampire camp showing him all the vampires recruited. When a scout arrived and informed him that the release of the widow was a success, and they were ready to assault Chau's mansion.

"Excellent, inform Seagul and search for the Master. It is time for our movement. Prepare the troops. I will deal with Quinn before the attack. "

The scout moved immediately.

"Sorry Castor, your introduction will be really brief, and now it is time for you to meet the original crazy of the Badlands."

Cyan took Castor directly to Quinn's room to find something that he already knew it was going to happen, but still, he is not acquainted with.

"For fuck sake! Quinn! Wear fucking trousers!"

"I was not expecting guests today, I took some liberties now that your master has taken my command away from me."

"Forget about that."

Quinn started to put some trousers on, but they were so tight and horrible that you could see even more clearly his balls coming out that before.

"Who is the young man? New flesh to initiate in the vampirism."

"Yes, I came to give it to you, so you can prepare him for the fight as soon as possible, we will be leaving before dawn to Chau's fortress. The scouts have found hidden entrances that we can use to give a blood to her."

"Come with me Young boy, and tell me what is your true desire?, I will teach you how to satisfy it."

Quinn held Castor strongly from the shoulders, and Cyan only saw the eyes of desperation on the face of Castor when Quinn force him to go with him, and the impotence of his escape. Cyan only nod thinking that this will keep Quinn busy while the rest prepare the assault. He then left the room.

…

Bajie was completely lost. Sunny was kidnapped and the lifeless body of MK lay on the bed. Cressida was in the room next to them taking care of Pilgrim's wounds. Fortunately, the arrow missed the heart but still his condition was hard.

Bajie looked at the scene from outside the room next to the door. Nix was walking by and stopped next to Bajie.

"What should we do now?"

"Don't ask me kiddo. I will be running away from here. I will take the shit machine with me and go to search for Sunny. I own him that at least."

"Take me with you! I am sure I can help. I will have things to deal with them too. I just lost Castor, and they hurt Pilgrim and Killed MK. I need blood."

…

Sunny woke up in a trailer. It was moving, but he trying to raise up and discovered he was strongly tied down.

"Who are you? What do you want?!"

A red hooded person addressed him.

"Do not move too much. We do not want to lose anyone else. We need you, and you are ready. It is time for the true leaders of Azra to appear."

A person with glasses and a white coat got a syringe with him and injected something to him. Sunny felt dizzy,

"shh, only dreams now..."

and in no time he lost consciousness...


	32. 32- A Place Beyond the Whines (author 2)

Quinn boarded River King's boat once more. His men had told him that River King was no longer breathing. Quinn was curious. He entered a small dark room with Castor. River King's body was slumped in the chair. Quinn slapped River King across the face, 'You ain't gone and died on me already have ya? Hmmmmm, pathetic,' Quinn sniffed River King's body up and down for signs of life, 'My new boy Castor here didn't even get a chance to have some… some fun with you… Pity…'

River King did not respond. Castor shifted uncomfortably and thought about running away.

'Here, Castor baby. He still has a pulse. It's not much, but, it's enough for your first time,' Quinn grinned and sunk his fangs deep into River King's neck, 'Hmmm taste the nastiness.' Quinn beckoned Castor over. Castor was not impressed but, yet felt drawn to it all. 'Taste it, my boy! TASTE IT!'

Castor bent over. His new fangs burst through and he tasted River King's blood.

…..

Bajie quietly packed up his things and prepared an escape in the dark of night. Nix followed closely behind. Henry's condition was getting worse. The smell was getting worse. Bajie tried not the throw up. It was not the baby's fault. He did not ask for this gift. Bajie signalled to Nix and they silently crept through the greathall towards the main door. The hall still reeked of death. They kept moving. Freedom was almost in sight.

'Where do you think you are going?' Pilgrim's voice boomed from behind.

'Eh? Just a midnight stroll, ha… ya,' Bajie stuttered.

'LIAR! Nix! I trusted you!'

'What's wrong with a walk?' Bajie asked innocently.

'Give me the boy! It is time.'

'No.'

'WHAT? How dare you!'

'You see, the last time you mentioned 'it is time', you killed my son, so… no… I'll pass thanks.'

'Such insolence! Like you have a choice!' Pilgrim swooped in and grabbed Henry before hitting Bajie in the face, knocking him to the ground. Pilgrim glared at Nix. She froze and looked at Bajie.

'It won't work! You need the catalyst to steal Henry's gift! You know that!' Bajie shouted.

'Not quite…' Cressida emerged from the shadows holding a vile of blood. It was Sunny's blood, 'We have everything we need.'

Before he knew it, Bajie was tied up in the underground bunker. He pleaded with Pilgrim not to go through with it. Henry screamed. 'SHUT UP, CHOSEN ONE!' Pilgrim shouted. Cressida started singing random words out loud. Tears ran down Bajie's eyes. Pilgrim had succeeded in talking some of M.K.'s dark essence during the failed ritual, though it was just enough to complete his new task. He poured Sunny's blood on the central stone and placed his own hand over it, holding Henry in his other arm. It wasn't long before Henry's eyes turned black. His dark essence passed to Pilgrim. When the ritual was complete, Pilgrim cackled in a disturbing fashion. His eyes and veins had turned black. He placed a now calm Henry on the ground and began to dance.

'PRAISE BE! THE PROPHESY IS COMPLETE!' Cressida cried out.

'I AM ALIVE!' Pilgrim shouted back, 'I AM UNLEASED! MAWHAWHAWHAW!'

'SHIT!' Bajie frowned, 'Fucking shit. How the fuck did I end up in this shit?'

'Thank you great Bajie,' Pilgrim glided over to him, 'It was you that made my freedom possible. It was you who will be remembered for this great deed.'

'Fuck you, asshole! I was tricked! You're an ass. Guess what?'

'Hmm, such foolishness!'

'Leave him be, Pilgrim. We have a world to destroy,' Cressida reminded Pilgrim.

'Yes…' Pilgrim grinned.

'Come, let us sacrifice Nix first.'

'Excellent ide…ah… ugggghhh,' Pilgrim felt a sharp pain in his stomach, 'What?'

'Pilgrim? What is it?'

'What is happening? Something is wrong…'

'Lolz mate!' Bajie laughed, 'You fucked up! Big time!'

'What? What do you mean?' Pilgrim grabbed Bajie by the throat.

'You'll figure it out!'

'WHAT IS IT?'

'You took Henry's power…'

'AND?'

'You also got his illness…'

'WHAT? But I can heal! I control the darkness!'

'Naw mate… the thing is… Henry was never sick… It was his other gift. One you can't control!'

'WHAT IS THIS?' Pilgrim was doubled over in pain.

'Got to hand it to them… they are sneaky buggers.'

'Who?'

'You'll figure it out, mate, you'll figure it out.'

….

The Master and Gaius made their way to Chau's manor. Gaius had learned to control his gift. He was now posing more than ever. It took longer than expected to reach the manor because he had to stop at stare at every reflective surface, but they got there just in time to save Widow.

'Prepare to die! Gonna miss you though,' Chau said to Widow who was surrounded was crossbowmen.

'Pity it has to end like this… I thought there was something between us…' Widow replied.

'You banged my brother. I thought you would be strong enough to deflect his allure. You failed. You are not worthy of me anymore.'

'Pity… He's not as good as you…'

'Bitch! I know that! FIRE!'

Suddenly the arrows somehow ended up in Chau and her clippers.

'HAYYYYY!' Gaius and the Master burst into the room.

'Gaius? Is that you?' Chau was confused to see her brother in his true form.

'Oh hell no I am fab-u-lous! You will refer to me as White Peony!' Gaius ran his pink feathered scarf across Chau's face as she lay bleeding on the floor.

'What is going on?' Widow shouted at the Master.

'I have come to take you home,' the Master replied and hit Widow on the head unlocking her darkness, 'but first White Peony will destroy Red Lotus.'

'Red what?' Chau gasped, 'fuck this shit!'

'Where's mom?' Gaius asked.

'She's in the attic as always… WTF? You stole my shoes!'

'Puuurrrrfeeecctttaaaa! And bitch please! They suit me waaaay better. Legs for daaayyys,' Gaius / White Peony made his way to the attic. Every clipper his met along the way fell at his feet in awe of his beauty and allure.

Old Mrs. Chau sat on a rocking chair in the dark. She wore the Red Lotus uniform. She heard White Peony's high heels approach on the wooden stairs. The door slowly opened, 'Hello, "mother".'

'Hmm, I knew this day would come…'

…

Forthwindus rushed to Master Tarbh's chamber.

'Master!'

'What is it Fortwindus?' Tarbh was busy meditating with Tonacan before a statue of a glorious Bonnacon.

'There has been a great disturbance in the air… something dreadful has happened to one of our own. I can feel it!'

'No, Fortwindus. Our game plan has finally come to fruition,' Tarbh stood up.

'I don't understand…'

'Fetch Fergus.'

'I am here Master Tarbh,' Fergus appeared in the doorway.

'Excellent. Send word to the Master and Quinn that the plan has succeeded.'

'Yes Master!'

'What is going on?' Tonacan asked innocently.

'Ah, my boy, let me tell you. As you know, we are not combatants by nature, but that does not stop us from destroying people.'

'Okay…'

'You see, the Catalyst did us a great favour when he procreated with one of our own.'

'Huh?'

'The woman named Veil was my great-grand-niece.'

'Oh…'

'She had the power of the Bonnacon in her blood, but it never materialised. She passed it to her son Henry.'

'I see…'

'We knew the Catalyst was a dumbass, not his fault he never had proper training, so we figured we'd let him run to Pilgrim and Pilgrim would steal Henry's power. Annnnd the best part…'

'Yes?'

'Since Pilgrim is not born of the Bonnacon, he will in time, quite literally, shit himself to death.'

'How the hell did you plan all on this? This could have gone very wrong!'

'Not really. We sensed Pilgrim's arrival. The people of Guinefort sniff him out and knew what he was. Yes, we did underestimate him and that was my fault. But, it all worked out. The people in the Badlands are idiots, easy to manipulate. We just needed to keep the Master away from Sunny long enough for him to find Pilgrim. It could have gone wrong if she kept Henry, but when Cyan came to us, we knew nothing could go wrong. The Master knew nothing of our gift and could not handle it. So, with Cyan's help, everything was back on track soon enough.'

'This seems like a long, unnecessarily convoluted, plan that really should have not worked… at all….'

'Ah yes, but you see, we are Bonnacons. '

…

Quinn 's army arrived at Pilgrim's fortress. Pilgrims people were busy build and securing the towers.

'Now what in the fires of hell are all those towers doing here?' Quinn was intrigued.

'Penis towers. Because Pilgrim is a psycho,' Castor responded.

'Penis tower? Heehaaw. Pilgrim's got some issues. Heck I really want to meet this nut case.'

'Castor!' Nix ran over to them, 'How are you alive?'

'Eh? Well…' Castor stepped back.

'You knew this cute young thing?' Quinn asked.

'She was my partner… until M. fucking K. came here…'

'M.K.? You got dumped for M.K.? Oh honey!' Quinn turned to Nix, looked her up and down and in a suggestive manner said, 'you can do soo much betta than M.K…'

'Who are you, you fucking creep?! M.K. is dead,' Nix replied ready to kill Quinn.

'Nix! It's okay. His my master now. Where is Pilgrim. We have come to kill him,' Castor replied.

'Good. I want to kill him myself.'

'Lead the way, minxy Nixy,' Quinn smiled.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?'

Nix lead them to the hatch above the chamber, 'they have been in there for a long time. I heard screams a few hours ago, then silence…'

'Open the damn thing up!' Quinn ordered the new by workers. The ones who recognised him freaked out and obeyed the undead baron. Three of them fought hard with the hatch eventually opening it. A puff of rancid gas seeped out, knocking the workers unconscious immediately.

'What the heck is that?' Quinn asked, 'some sort a trap?'

'No, creepy old man, I don't know what the fuck…' Nix moved away from Quinn as he tried to grab at her.

When the worst of the gas cleared, Quinn peered down the hatch. The smell was still horrendous, but he was curious and jumped down into it, followed by Castor and Nix.

'AWWW HELL NAH! PHHHEEWWWIIEEEEEEE. WHAT THE FUUCKK?' Quinn gagged. Castor and Nix covered their mouths and noses. The smell made their eyes water. Bajie, Cressida, Pilgrim and Henry lay lifeless on the ground. Quinn noticed Henry immediately and ran towards him, 'Oh Henry baby! You alright?' He brought Henry closer to the surface to revive him while ordering Nix to watch Pilgrim. Pilgrim groaned a bit. He was still in pain. His legs and ass felt burned. Cressida awoke followed by Bajie. Pilgrim stood up, 'Ughhh.' Bajie, even though his lungs were on fire, couldn't help but laugh at Pilgrim's misery.

'So you are the mighty Pilgrim huh?' Quinn walked menacingly towards Pilgrim.

'AND WHO ARE YOU?' Pilgrim roared.

'I'm like you, only with a sense of humour… and less… flatulence…'

'What do you know of my condition?'

'Hmmm, I'm thinking your dumbass stole the gift from my precious Henry here, but got more than you bargained for, no?'

'HELP ME! Fool!'

'Oh honey, I don't give to shits about you… bad choice of words…'

'Ugggghhhaaaaaaa,' Pilgrim's tummy rumbled and his bowels loosed once more, 'MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!' Pilgrim cried now on his knees.

'Where is Sunny?'

'I don't know!'

'Now Pilgrim, you don't know me, but I hate liars, so…'

'Black Lotus took him! I swear!'

'Black who? Ah hell…'

'HELP ME!'

'Why?'

'AHHH!'

'Sweety, you fucked with the Bonnacon, so the Bonnacoon fucked you right up. Hehe. Now, I'll be taking Henry with me, so ya'll have a nice day now.'


End file.
